


Breathless

by Lookafterlou1234



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Cancer, Doctors, M/M, Surgeons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-08 07:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lookafterlou1234/pseuds/Lookafterlou1234
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson just started work as an intern at the Royal London Hospital. His first patient? A young man with lung cancer named Harry Styles. And when they're together, Harry isn't the only one who can't breathe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Beep. Beep. Beep.  
It was six o'clock in the morning. The alarm was ringing. And Louis Tomlinson and Liam Payne were late for their first day as interns at the Royal London Hospital. Never a good way to start a career.  
"Shit, shit, shit!" Louis chanted, scrambling up and staring at the clock in horror. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be possible. He tugged his pajama top over his head and then grabbed random clothes, getting dressed as he rushed down the hall towards his roommate’s bedroom.  
“Liam, move your arse!” he screeched as he burst into the room.  
"Ws' going on?" Liam mumbled sleepily, snuggling into his pillow.  
Louis pulled the pillow from his arms and unceremoniously beat him over the head with it  
"We slept in!"  
“What?”  
Liam started moving automatically, running to his closet and pulling down some dress pants from the shelf over his head.  
“What on earth are you doing?” Louis asked in amazement.  
“I want to look nice!”  
“Li, at this point, our goal is to not show up completely starkers! Just get some sweats!”  
  
Over the ten minutes, they got ready in record time. Louis danced around their tiny flat anxiously, trying to get tea to brew in their kettle that cost five quid. Being a med student came with disadvantages, like having virtually no money.  
"Forget the tea!" Liam said, exasperated.  
"I need tea to wake me up in the morning."  
"You drink tea no matter what time of day it is. Just face it, you're a tea addict."  
"If there is time for your dress pants, there is time for my tea! Now, shove off and let me brew in peace."  
  
They ran to catch the tube, both with butterflies in their stomachs. This was it. After years and years of pre-med, medical school, and learning more than he ever thought he’d have to know about human anatomy, Louis was about to be working in an actual hospital. Human lives would be in his hands. That thought was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Liam and Louis made eye contact and he laughed. Liam looked scared out of his wits.  
  
He and Liam had met in med school, and immediately become best friends, despite their differing personalities. Louis was a mischievous, jokey person who was always up for a laugh and Liam was the type who’d be studying alone in his room for an exam that was weeks away. Liam kept Louis under control, and Louis taught Liam to live a little. It was a good balance.  
  
Louis, truth be told, had actually had a crush on Liam when he first met him. He’d figured out he was gay in medical school, when seeing the diagram of male anatomy had gotten him far more excited than it ought to. Well, honestly Louis had some idea of his sexuality before hand, but he’d accepted it in medical school. And then came Liam. The other boy had warm brown eyes to match his warm personality. He was like a puppy dog that you just had to love. But after an awkward experience involving some alcohol and a near kiss, Louis discovered that Liam was in fact, not actually gay. They'd become like brothers ever since.  
  
They hurried into the hospital and sprinted to the intern's room, changing into scrubs and getting ready to meet their residents. Residents were higher level doctors who had worked at the hospital for several years. The interns followed them around the first year to learn the ropes. And unfortunately for Liam and Louis, they'd been assigned the strictest resident at the hospital, Dr. Elizabeth. Lee.  
  
She was a tall, skinny, American blonde. Practically a perfect Barbie. But don't let her looks deceive you. She was the sassiest, most sarcastic woman alive, and held the rest of them in terror. They’d heard this all through the grape vine, and Louis knew that Liam was terrified. The other boy always had some fear of higher authority, so Louis tried to put on a brave face for his friend. Louis wasn’t too worried; he had enough sass to take care of the two of them. He just wanted this Dr. Lee to like him. There was something in Louis that made him crave being liked. He’d smile and goof around and do his best to make people love his rambunctious personality. He was always the loudest, the wittiest, the clown.  
  
They all assembled in the hallway, nervously waiting for their resident to arrive. Liam and Louis glanced at each other, both smiling while trying not to throw up from anxiety and stress.  
"Well, are you all just going to stand there all day?" a voice behind them said.  
All the interns whirled around and met the icy blue eyes of Dr. Lee. She surveyed them, looking them up and down critically. Louis nervously tried to pat down his feathery brown hair.  
"The first rule of being a surgeon," Dr. Lee said sternly  
"Is that you never get emotionally attached to a patient. They're here to get help; you're here to do your job. That is where the relationship ends. Do all of you understand that?"  
  
They nodded earnestly, taking in her every word. Louis was at the end of the line and she stopped by him.  
"Another relationship you will be building is one with me. I don't know your names, nor do I particularly want to. So, you'll be numbers until you can prove that you're of some worth to me."  
Liam was appointed Number 5, Louis Number 3. Dr. Lee wasted no time in getting down to business. Grabbing an armful of charts, she chucked them at the interns. Louis managed to lay his hands on one and looked down at it eagerly. Today, his career started.  
"You'll be going with me on my rounds today." Dr. Lee said.  
"I am an oncologist, and we will be visiting several of my regular chemo patients this morning. Please do your upmost to not embarrass me in front of them."  
  
The rest of the morning was just a blur for the interns. It was a haze of briskly walking through the hallways of the hospital, trying to keep up with Dr. Lee's quick stride. They saw cancer patient after cancer patient, all with different forms of the disease. Louis was nearly dizzy with it all. Liam fell into step beside him,  
'Hiya." he said tiredly,  
"It's a bit much to get your head wrapped around, isn't it?"  
Louis nodded vigorously, his fringe falling in front of his eyes.  
"Last month we were in a classroom, learning about this stuff." he replied,  
"Now we're here, living it."  
He fell silent as they reached their destination. Dr. Lee ushered them inside a room impatiently, glancing at her watch. They saw a young man sitting up in bed, smiling genially. And at the sight of him, Louis’ heart nearly stopped. Because he was possibly the most beautiful human being he'd ever clapped eyes on.  
“Oh, you’re attractive.” Louis thought to himself,  
“Very, very attractive.”  
He was just sitting there, like he wasn’t actually the human representation of an angel. Shining green eyes, delicate bone structure, eye lashes that girls would kill for…Oh God. Louis needed to get out of this room right now before something very uncomfortable happened. Abort, abort. How hard would it be to fake a heart attack? Could he just clutch his chest and fall over? He knew the sympthoms well enough at this point.   
"This is Harry Styles." Dr. Lee said,  
"Please read his chart, Number Three."  
Harry Styles. Even his name was beautiful. It rolled off the tongue like music. Louis briefly wondered when exactly he’d lost his mind before going back to gazing at the patient.  
"Number Three?" Dr. Lee snapped,  
"Chart, if you please?"  
Louis suddenly remembered that he was intern number three. Fumbling for the chart, he muttered a curse as he dropped it to the ground. He felt everyone's eyes on him and blushed like an idiot. Way to make a good first impression. Stooping down, he picked up the offending chart and flipped it open again, reading aloud.  
"Name: Harry Edward Styles. Age: Twenty-three. Diagnosis: Thyroid cancer with advancement into his lungs. Treatment: Intravenous chemotherapy combined with internal radiation."  
"Yep, that's me." the patient said brightly, grinning up at them. This betrayed gigantic dimples on either side of his face and Louis felt his pulse quicken. He had dimples, for Christ’s sake!  
"Is this a fresh lot of newbies for you to scare the living daylights out of, Lizzie?"  
Louis shivered, his arms covered in goose bumps. He shouldn’t be allowed to speak. This guy’s voice was just too gorgeous; he should bottle it up and sell it as liquid gold or something. It was deep and gravelly and just- just perfect. Louis expected the doctor to rip off Harry’s head for such a rude comment. But instead, she smiled. Dr. Elizabeth Lee was smiling. After spending the morning with her, Louis didn't think that was physically possible, but lo and behold, this guy had made it happen.  
  
Their eyes met and Louis reddened again, staring down at his shoes. That steady green gaze was too much for him. It set his heart racing more wildly than before, thumping erratically underneath his sweater.  
"How've you been feeling, Harry?" Dr. Lee asked.  
"Oh, you know the usual. Nausea, fatigue, not being able to breathe properly. But other than that, I'm dandy."  
And the thing was, Louis didn't think he was being sarcastic. He said it with a completely straight face, not so much as a hint of irony in his tone. This bloke seemed perfectly happy with his lot in life. The clock chimed noon and Dr. Lee said,  
"Okay, you can go on your lunch breaks now. Report back in the commons straight after for more instruction. And as for you, Harry, it's time for your chemo, which I'll be administering myself."  
Harry pulled a face but compliantly rolled up the sleeve of his sweater so the IV could enter his vein. Louis caught sight of the strip of pale, smooth skin on his forearm before he was pushed out of the room by his peers, all eager for their lunch. Louis slowed his stride so the others went on ahead of him. As he sauntered forward, he let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. That makes things so much more complicated.  
  
“So,” Liam said as he ravenously wolfed into his salad.  
“You enjoying it so far?”  
“Despite being fucking scared out of my mind, I am.” Louis replied, looking down at the ham sandwich he was holding. His appetite was completely gone. They were sitting in the hospital cafeteria, surrounded by all the other chatting interns. Over on the other side sat the residents and attendings. They glowered over at the younger doctors and Louis scrunched down in his seat. They made him feel so small. Louis knew he was a good surgeon. He’d passed his preliminary exams with flying colors and was never short of confidence when put into stressful situations. But he hated being judged, and that was all he felt when the residents looked at him.  
“Eat something,” Liam urged him, pointing to his plate.  
“God knows we need energy.”  
“I’m not very hungry.” Louis said lowly.  
“Uh-oh.” Liam said, sitting up.  
“That’s your I’ve just fallen head over heels for someone voice.”  
“Is not!” Louis said defensively.  
“Who is it?” Liam asked, grinning.  
“The chief of surgery perhaps?”  
That was one brilliant thing about Liam. He wasn’t homophobic at all. He’d always supported Louis romantically, even going as far as acting as his wingman on the rare occasions they went out. But Louis knew he was going to be teased unmercifully about this, so he decided to just let it happen. It’s not like Liam could actually guess correctly, could he?  
“Oh wait! I know! It’s a patient, isn’t it?” Liam asked, laughing.  
Louis’ blue eyes widened slightly and that was enough to give him away. Liam’s mouth dropped open and he punched him in the shoulder,  
“Lou!” he cried,  
“You didn’t! You couldn’t! We’ve been here for five hours!”  
“It’s not like I planned this!” Louis snapped back.  
“The very first thing Lee said was to not get emotionally attached to a patient, and now you have a crush on one!” Liam said hopelessly, putting his head in his hands.  
  
They fell silent, Louis nursing his sore shoulder and Liam nervously chewing his bottom lip. He was such a worrier. Here, his friend spoke again,  
“Which one was it?” he asked,  
“The guy.” Harry murmured.  
Liam snorted, covering his mouth.  
“I should’ve known. He’s your type.”  
“My type?” Louis asked, indignant.  
“And what is that, exactly?”  
“The tall, gangly type. He probably towers over you.”  
“It’s not my fault I’m on the short-side.” Louis grumbled.  
“He’d hug you and you’d feel so safe and protected.”  
  
Louis couldn’t really argue with that. Sometimes, he just needed to be hugged. He’d go up to Liam, simply hold out his arms and then be cuddled for hours. They’d lie on the couch together, curled up under a blanket, Louis’ head on Liam’s chest. They’d always been very touchy-feely with each other, but hugging Liam was completely platonic. Being hugged by the handsome patient would be completely different.  
“Well, it’s not like you’ll ever see him again, right?” Liam said hopefully.  
“I mean, he’s one patient among thousands at this hospital.”  
“Yeah,” Louis said, brightening.  
“Yeah, we’ll probably never clap eyes on each other again.”  
  
But Fate had something else in store for Louis Tomlinson. When they reported back to Dr. Lee, she assigned all of them a particular chemo patient who they’d be helping her tend to. She said it was to make them stand on their own two feet and also ease her own workload.  
“Number Three, you’re with Harry Styles.” Dr. Lee said, ticking him off the list,  
“You remember him?”  
Louis remembered him alright.


	2. Chapter Two

“Okay,” Liam instructed as they walked through the doors of the hospital.

“Just remember what I said. Stand at least two feet away at all times, only ask questions pertaining to his health, and no matter how much you want to, don’t snog the face off him.”

“As if, Liam.” Louis scoffed.

“Just don’t do anything overly stupid.” Liam said with a smile.

“Now I’ve gotta run. I’m in Hell today.”

“Hell” was the surgical term for all the mild cases nobody wanted, on the bottom floor of the London. You basically spend the day setting broken fingers, pulling nails out of some idiot’s hand who felt he was handy with tools, and calming down hysterical mothers. Louis looked at Liam sympathetically,

“That’s rough, mate.”

“No big deal,” Liam said, because he’s Liam. He’d happily spend the day in Hell, and do it with a smile on his face the entire time. Louis rolled his eyes at his angelic friend and they went their separate ways.

 

They’d been working as interns for three weeks now. If you asked Lou about it in years to come, he couldn’t really describe it. It was just a vortex of working, working, and more working. Between his late hours and studying, he was running on four hours of sleep a night. And yet he wouldn’t change it for the world. Being in a real hospital setting was too amazing for words. Sitting in the balcony, he and Liam got to watch a heart transplant. After it was successful, Liam couldn’t help but tear up. It was miraculous.

So, slowly, things began to slightly resemble normalcy. Or, well as normal as Louis ever thought they would get. But he couldn’t stop thinking about that cancer patient. He was always there, in the back of his mind. And the young intern was still worried about meeting him again. What if those insane feelings were still there? What would he do about them?

 

Today was the beginning of Harry’s next chemo cycle. Chemo is given through cycles, typically with one week on, and then three weeks rest. A month makes up one full cycle. Over the course of the next week, he’d be with Harry nearly all the time, getting to know his medical history. He’d have to give a full-fledged report to Dr. Lee at the end of the week. That thought, combined with the whole “time with Harry” thing, was enough to make Louis want to pass out.

He walked slowly toward the Oncology ward, trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach. That’s such a stupid analogy; butterflies in your stomach. They were more like wasps; stinging your insides and making everything ache. He reached Harry’s room, 108, and knocked on the unlocked door quietly.

“Come in.” a voice.

Louis opened the door and stepped through, shutting it behind him. Harry was sitting up in bed, looking as chipper as ever. He seemed exactly the same as he’d been three weeks ago; same bright smile, same green gaze, the same dimples that made Louis go weak at the knees.

“Ah, intern Number Three!” he said.

“I remember you from the last time you were here, with the Kraken right?”

“The- Kraken?” Louis asked, confused.

Harry had the humility to look shamefaced, blushing and looking down at his knees. He chuckled quietly and then said,

“I meant Dr. Lee.”

“You call her the Kraken?” Louis asked again.

“Everyone in the chemo centre does. She bites everyone’s head’s off.”

Louis snickered to himself. The nickname was all too fitting. Harry smiled again and reached out a hand to shake Louis’.

“Well, you know my name, but I don’t have the pleasure of knowing yours.”

“Dr. Louis Tomlinson.” he replied. He still got a kick out of saying that.

Harry nodded and lay back on the pillows, adjusting the tube attached to his nose that delivered oxygen to his lungs.

“So,” Louis said, grabbing a medical file and flipping through it quickly, his eyes flicking over the pages.

“It says here you were diagnosed last year with cancer of the thyroid. It was then removed, but by that point, the cancer had spread to your lungs. The type of cancer you have is adenocarcinoma, which means that the tumors are located away from the major airways. This explains why the lung cancer wasn’t caught until later.”

Louis nodded, gesturing to the chair next to the bed.

‘This is a pretty long story, so you might want to get comfy.”

Louis sat down, trying to look comfortable but failing.

“This is your third cycle of chemotherapy, and from what your X-rays show, the tumors haven’t grown since you started, which is a good sign.”

Harry ran a hand through his curly brown hair, smiling ruefully as a few came out in his fingers.

“The chemo’s doing its job, as you can see.”

“What are your symptoms like? Fatigue? Nausea? Have you been anemic? Any tell-tale signs of depression?”

“Slow down, buddy. One thing at a time.” Harry said, holding his hands up.

“Fatigue is going to happen either way. As for nausea, I puke practically every day. Anemia? That’s like low red blood cell count, right? Well, I have no idea about that. And depression? Do I seem depressed to you?”

Louis shook his head, biting back a grin. He’d never met someone as vibrant and full of life as Harry. He put the papers down and then went to a sink, scrubbing his hands fiercely.

“Okay, well I’ve got to give you chemo at some point today. Please extend your arm.” He asked politely.

Picking up the IV needle, he took Harry’s arm and tried to determine which vein was better to prick. Both seemed very far away from the surface of his skin. It would be difficult to inject the needle without hurting him.

“I’m the bane of the nurses’ lives.” Harry said with a cheeky smile.

“Both my veins suck.”

“We’ll figure something out.” The intern said with a smile.

Green eyes met blue and Louis reddened, getting back to his task. Harry winced as the needle entered his vein and Louis fought the urge to pat his arm comfortingly. He tried not to focus on the fact that Harry’s hand was underneath his and the skin was so warm and the veins on his hands stood out and- No. Nope. Forget he ever had that thought.

“You seem to know a lot about my medical history.” Harry said as Louis got ready to leave. He’d be back in two hours to get Harry off the IV.

“I do my homework.” he said.

“You know, we can get to know one another without talking about my health since birth. Considering we’ll be spending a lot of time together.”

Louis cursed the amount of blood rushing to his face in that moment. Louis hated blushing. With this tan skin, it made him look completely discolored. His head snapped up and he blinked helplessly.

“Um- I’ve got to go now. I’ll be back soon though. Try and sleep while you’re here. It might make time pass faster.” He blurted out quickly, grabbing everything he needed and practically sprinting from the room.

 

Back at their flat that night, Louis was totally morose. He sank down into a chair in the living room, staring at the TV blankly. Liam sighed as he cleaned the dinner dishes and then walked over to him, holding a cup of tea. It was Louis’ cure for anything.

“What’s wrong, mate?” he asked, sitting down beside him.

Louis didn’t respond, clasping a pillow to his chest and tucking his chin in. Liam put his arm around him and bringing the tea closer to his mouth.

“C’mon, chap! It’s lemon, your favorite.”

Louis turned his head away sharply and Liam gave up, putting the mug down.

“Okay, you can tell me when you feel like it.” Liam said,

Louis nodded, staring blankly at the television. But he wasn’t absorbing any of it. His mind was focused on chemotherapy, green eyes and feelings he couldn’t control. Liam wrapped his arms around his friend and held him close. They were pressed tight, hip to hip, Louis’ head on Liam’s chest.

“You okay?” Liam asked after ages of comfortable silence.

Louis only turned his head and snuggled closer into Liam, shutting his eyes. He could feel Liam’s heart beat thumping against his ear and somehow this comforted him. Of what, he wasn’t really sure. Maybe that he wasn’t alone right now,

“I love you, Li.” Louis said finally,

“You too, mate. You too.”

 

Louis’ mother, Jay Tomlinson, called him a few days later. Louis had always been very close to his mum, so just hearing her voice made him feel a little better,

"How's my little boy doing?" she asked.

Louis smiled to himself and held the phone closer to his ear. No matter how old he got, he'd always be her little boy. And there was something reassuring in that. He could hear all his sisters in the background, going about their business. Oh, his sisters. Lottie, Fizzy, Daisy and Phoebe. He missed them so much. But he couldn’t let his mother know that. She’d worry about him even more than she already did, and that was the last thing Louis wanted. She had enough to worry about.

"I'm grand, Mum. Living the dream, you know?"

"You sound sad." she said worriedly,

"Are you sure you're doing alright?"

He sighed to himself. Even over the phone, she knew if something was wrong with him. But it's not like he could casually bring it up in conversation. "Oh yeah, Mum, I might be in love with a patient, who just so happens to be my personal case to follow."

That would go down real well.

So instead he just said,

"Not so much sad as sleep deprived. My resident tends to work us like dogs."

"I'm sure she does. Well, I won't keep you up very long. Try and actually get some sleep tonight, love, okay?"

"Alright, Mum. Give the girls a hug and a kiss from me."

He hung up the phone and shut his eyes, trying to not think of Harry.

" Don't think about those eyes, about his dimples, about that smile that could bring world peace." Harry muttered to himself. But as soon as he said this, an image of the curly-haired boy popped back into his mind’s eye. Louis flung his hands up in the air and then collapsed onto the couch.

"Oh, fuck it. Just fuck it. I give up. Let the infatuation continue."

 

Once Liam gave Louis the fifth cup of tea that he didn't plan on drinking, he had had enough.

"Do you by any chance, have anything stronger?"

Liam shook his head regretfully, knowing he should have probably stocked up on alcohol. Louis stood up and shoved his jacket on.

"To the pub!"

"But we have work in the morning!" Liam said.

"I don't care. There's a pub across the street, at least we won't be driving drunk."

Liam sighed and grabbed his hoodie, pulling it over his head. He'd go just to make sure Lou didn't get in too much trouble.

Louid, on the other hand, was planning on doing the exact opposite. He wanted trouble. His blood was up and he wanted to do something stupid just to get it out of his system. He was going to go out, get totally hammered drunk, and when he woke up, shattered and hung over, maybe he'd have forgotten all about his feelings for Harry Styles.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I switched to Liam's POV for this chapter, let me know if it works :D

  
Liam

Liam didn’t know what he was going to do. His best friend was dealing with feelings he wasn’t allowed to have, and he didn’t know how to help him. Liam was the worry wart of the duo, and having happy go lucky Louis around usually helped ease that. But right now Louis was not himself. Sure, he’d been love-lorn before, Liam had seen it, but it was never like this. He usually always got over these meaningless crushes pretty quickly, but this one didn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. Which made Liam ever more worried. This Harry guy must be pretty special for him to be affecting Louis so much.

Countless things could go wrong. Harry might not return Louis’ feelings. Or he could break Louis’ heart. He’d never admit this to anyone, but Louis was fragile. He tried to make everyone happy, and Liam worried that he was never happy because of that. Also, Liam’s other fear was that when Louis fell in love, he fell hard. Obviously, he’d never seen Louis in love, but he suspected that when he did eventually find someone, he’d give everything of himself to that special person.

Or if they did ever get together, you couldn’t get around the fact that Harry was a patient, first and foremost. If anything went wrong or if, God forbid, Harry died, Liam didn’t want to imagine what it would do to Louis.

So, Liam approached him straight out about it. Being subtle really wasn’t in Liam’s character; he was direct to the point of being abrupt. So at the pub that night, surrounded by smoke, alcohol and drunken people, he brought it up. Hopefully Louis was intoxicated enough to actually talk to him about a sensitive topic. Liam hadn’t drunk anything and he wasn’t planning on it. He needed all his wits about him for this conversation.

“Lou, we need to talk about this.”

“About what?” Louis asked, oh so innocently, sipping his pint.

“Your obvious feelings for Harry Styles.”

Louis colored and looked down. Liam knew the tell-tale signs of Louis being embarrassed. He blushed, avoided eye contact, and didn’t speak. So this meant his suspicions had been correct. Louis fancied Harry, his patient. Liam took a deep breath and tried to figure out a way to deal with this.

“Okay, not a problem. This is not a problem.”

Louis grinned lazily, rolling his eyes.

“It’s a problem and you know it.”

“We can work it out, mate. Just talk to me about him.”

Louis shrugged his shoulders helplessly, smiling to himself. His blue eyes were glazing over at the thought of the cancer patient. Or it might’ve just have been a side effect of the beer, Liam couldn’t really tell.

“He’s- he’s just charming. Everything about him is. And I’m not just talking about the way Harry looks. Yes, he’s beautiful, but his personality is even more so. He’s always smiling, and considering the shit he goes through every day, I find that amazing.”

Liam was nodding as Louis spoke. From what he’d seen of Harry, he seemed like a cheery guy. But he still had trouble seeing why Louis was so infatuated. He guessed it’s just something you can’t explain. It has to be something you experience.

“Thank you for sharing that with me, Louis.” Liam said, clapping him on the shoulder. He nodded, standing up to get another drink. And that’s how Liam knew that that was all he’d be getting out of Louis that night. With a sigh, he took a sip of his soda. Call Liam a prude, but he really wasn’t into drinking. It just seemed like a waste of time to him. You pay good money to wake up the next morning with a headache, dry throat, and a terrible mood. It was pointless.

 

Liam set his glass down and pulled out his wallet, withdrawing some pounds to pay. Leaving it on the table, he walked to the other side of the bar to get a better view of Louis. He wanted to make sure he didn’t do anything completely mad. He leaned against a wall and crossed his arms over his chest, smiling to himself. Drunken Louis was funny to watch. Right now he was dancing around with reckless abandon, not caring who he bumped into. The crowd was moving back from him, all laughing at his ridiculous arm flailing. A girl was shoved into Liam and they ricocheted off each other, her falling to the ground.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Liam stammered out, kneeling down and helping the girl up.

She was clutching a hand to her face, blood streaming through her fingers. For a heart-stopping second, Liam thought he’d cracked her head open on the pub floor. But then he realized it was just a nose bleed. She must’ve struck it against the floor.

“Shit.’ She cursed, tipping her head back to try and stop the blood flood. The doctor in Liam took over and he moved forward to help her.

“Keep your head elevated.” He advised, brushing her hair out of her eyes to get a closer look at her injury. She froze automatically as he touched her. Liam quickly pulled back, hands dropping to his sides. Sometimes he forgot boundaries.

“I’m sorry.” He amended,

“But I’m a surgeon and I’d like to help you.”

She giggled suddenly, other hand pressed to her mouth.

“That’s ironic, wouldn’t you say?”

Liam guided her over to a seat at the bar and turned the light on to assess her better. Despite the blood all over her face, Liam couldn’t help but notice that she was undeniably pretty, with alluring brown eyes and curly hair that cascaded down her back.

“I think your nose is broken.” He said.

“Oh, that’s great.” She said.

“I’ll set if for you if you like.” Liam said shyly,

“It would help it heal better.”

“Can I know your name first?” she asked, “It might make this less awkward.”

He laughed shortly and then said,

“I’m Liam Payne.”

“Danielle Peazer.” She replied with a smile.

“There we go, now we’re properly acquainted. Set my nose.”

Liam took Danielle’s face between his hands, looking her on the eyes.

“This might be painful, okay?”

“Carry on.”

Liam set her nose back in place as gently as he could. She winced and breathed in through her teeth, clenching her fists on her lap.

“Okay?” he asked quietly, letting her go.

Danielle nodded and hopped off the stool, slinging her purse over her shoulder.

“I must look a complete mess.” She said ruefully.

“With the blood and everything.”

Before he could stop himself, Liam shook his head. She saw his expression and looked up at him inquisitively,

“What’s that?”

“Erm- I just thought- Well, I”

He could feel himself reddening and sighed, running a hand through his hair,

“You’re very pretty, bloodied or not.” He said at last, knowing he’d made a fool out of himself.

But to his surprise, Danielle was beaming, betraying a wide, even grin. Her eyes danced with mirth as she said,

“That’s the sweetest backhand compliment I’ve ever received.”

As corny as it sounds, Liam felt his heart leap as their eyes met. And he knew he wanted to see her again. So Liam took a deep breath and then did his biggest fear; Asked for her number.

For a terrifying moment, Danielle did nothing. But then she was reaching into her bag and withdrawing a pen and paper. She scrawled down her cell number and handed it to him. Liam glanced at it and then said, just to be sure,

“This is real, right?”

Danielle burst out laughing, throwing her head back.

‘Of course it’s real!”

“It’s happened to me before.” Liam explained, feeling a blush creep up his neck.

“Well, those digits are mine.” She said easily, “And you want to know a secret?”

“Um- okay?”

She beckoned him closer and whispered into his ear, her breath tickling his skin,

“You’re cute when you blush.”

 

Louis was completely hung over the next morning. Liam had to practically coerce him out of bed with biscuits.

"My head hurts." he whined into his pillow.  
  
"That's what happens when you drink." Liam said.  
  
"Come on, Lou, up and at em!"  
  
Liam left to go get dressed and when he came back, Louis was still in bed. He sighed and said,  
"Is your reluctance to go to work due to a seeing a certain chemo patient of yours?"  
  
"Don't go there, Payne." Louis warned.   
Liam smiled and then got an idea. Seeing a glass of water left on the night stand from the day before, he grabbed it and then unceremoniously dumped it on Louis. He jumped nearly a foot in the air, swearing.  
  
"Fuck, Liam! What was that for?" he said indignantly, wiping water out of his eyes and pulling his pajama top off.   
  
" I'm trying to make you more alert. You can't go to face Dr. Lee hung over."  
Louis sighed and slid out of bed, swearing again as his feet touched the cold floorboards. He clutched his head as vertigo hit him and grabbed Liam's arm to steady himself.   
"Aspirin." he begged Liam. "Please."  
  
On the way to work, Liam kept looking at his phone, considering texting Danielle from last night. But his courage kept failing him. Louis noticed this and grinned feebly,  
"Dirty texts, Liam?" he teased, trying to look at the screen.   
"Do you have something to tell me?"  
"Shut up, Tomlinson." he said, putting the phone back in his pocket.  
"Did something happen last night that I need to know about?" Louis asked cheekily, raising an eyebrow.  
"No!" he answered quickly.  
Too quickly. Liam wasn't a good liar, and Louis could see right through him anyway.  
"Spill." He demanded,  
"There was obviously a girl. So spill."   
Liam sighed and told the story. Louis laughed uproariously, his entire frame shaking.   
"You broke her fucking nose and she still wants to associate with you?"   
"I didn't break her nose!" Liam said defensively.   
"We bumped into each other and she fell over-"  
"You broke her nose." he said with finality,  
"And despite that, she gave you her number. You better text her. Text her now."   
"I don't want to seem over eager." Liam said dubiously.   
"Then I'll text her for you." Louis replied, lunging over and snatching Liam's phone from his pocket.   
"What- Lou no!" Liam cried, scrambling to get his phone back.  
  
The next few minutes were a wrestling match between the two guys on the middle of the tube, Louis frantically typing out a message on the phone and Lim desperately trying to get it out of his hands.   
"Dear Danielle. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. You are gorgeous and completely breath-taking. When can we meet again, my love? I want to make sweet passionate love to you and have beautiful babies-" Louis said, chuckling as Liam tried to strangle him.   
"You're a total nutter! Give it back!"  
"SENT!" He cried gleefully, tapping a button.   
"You little shit." Liam said, dropping back into his seat and putting his head in his hands.  
"Now I have no chance. She probably thinks I'm a rapist or something."   
Louis burst out laughing again, handing him the phone back.  
"I didn't send it! I'm not that cruel!"   
Liam breathed a sigh of relief, slumping back into his chair.   
"Thank God." he murmured, turning the phone off.  
"Liam's got a crush." Louis said in a sing-song voice.  
"Liam and Danielle sitting in a tree-"  
"Don't you fucking dare-"  
"K.I.S.S-"  
"Louis Tomlinson, don't go there."  
"I.N.G!" he finished triumphantly.  
"Now, for the love of God, would you text her already?"  
"No!"  
  
"Number Five!"  
Liam nearly gave himself whiplash, he looked up at Dr. Lee so quickly. She was advancing toward him as he organized some messy charts.  
"Yes, Dr. Lee?" he said nervously. She scared him to death.   
"You're scrubbing in on an appendicitis this afternoon." she said, already moving off in a different direction.   
"Be ready in thirty minutes."  
He took a few moments to try and not start screaming and then scurried after the resident,  
"Wait!" he called, jogging to her side,  
"Yes?" she said impatiently,  
When faced with her stern gaze, Liam couldn't find his voice. All he came out with was something along the lines of   
"Uh..."  
"Spit it out!"  
"Why me?" he said at last.   
"Are you really going to pass up this opportunity?" she said, raising her eyebrows at him.  
"You're the first intern I've asked to assist me in an operation, be grateful!"   
He nodded hurriedly and then rushed away. He nearly tripped over his own untied shoelaces and then kept going, trying not to lose his mind.   
  
He found Louis in the intern's room, calmly eating a pudding cup.  
"Hey mate." he said, shoveling another spoonful into his mouth,  
"How's life?"   
Liam snatched the dessert from Louis’ hands and flung it into the rubbish bin.  
"Now is not the time for pudding!"  
"Wait, what's happening? You finally grow a pair and text that girl?"  
"Dr. Lee told me to scrub in on a surgery this afternoon!" Liam cried, tugging his hair.   
Louis started screaming, getting up and jumping up and down. He grabbed Liam's arms and made him jump too.   
"That's fucking awesome, mate!" he shouted,  
"You have the emotional control of a teenage girl!" Liam replied with a laugh.  
Louis released him, grinning madly. But then his smile faded and he said,  
"What are you waiting for? The surgery starts soon!"  
Liam's eyes widened and he sprinted out of the room. Unfortunately, the door was still closed, so he slammed into it. Clutching his head, he leaned against the door frame.   
"Ow!"  
Louis flung open the door and pushed Liam through it.  
"Run, Payne, run! You have a useless organ to remove!" he yelled after him,  
  
  
Liam was going to pass out. He was going to get into the OR, make the incision and then lose consciousness. He tied his mask on and then scrubbed in, taking the two minutes it took to sterilize his hands to try and calm down It was an appendicitis. He'd seen this done, it was simple. Dr. Lee wouldn't have chosen him for this if she didn't think he was capable, right? Or maybe she was setting him up to fail...Oh Jesus, Mary and sweet Saint Joseph, it was time to go in there.  
  
He walked into the operating room and over to the surgical table. The patient was already under from anesthesia. It was a little girl, maybe eleven or so. He took a deep breath. He could do this. He had to do this. Dr. Lee was standing across from him, looking much less formidable behind a mask.   
"What do you do first?" she said, watching him carefully.   
"First, I locate the patient's hip bone, since the incision is made two to three inches above that, in the lower right abdomen.   
He could practically feel everyone in the balcony above watching his every move. If he made a single mistake or faltered in his judgment, he knew they'd never let him forget it. So Liam set his jaw and fought his nerves. He refused to screw this up.   
  
He grabbed a scalpel and made the incision on the patient's skin, located the abdomen cavity. He could clearly see the infected area and some distant part of his brain wondered what the hell the appendix was even for. What was its purpose, if the human body could easily survive without it? Liam removed the organ and dropped it into the tray.   
"The appendix is successfully removed."  
Even he could hear the relief in his voice, but he didn't try and hide it. He snuck a look up at the viewing balcony and saw Harry beaming with pride. Smiling to himself, he looked down at the patient again. He couldn't see any more infected tissue, so he made his next decision, saying,   
"I will now sew the incision shut and place a surgical bandage over the wound."  
"Very good." Dr. Lee said approvingly.  
  
Twenty minutes later, he'd finished the operation. He walked out of there, legs trembling from pent up anxiety. He cleaned himself up and changed into fresh scrubs. He couldn't stop smiling. He'd done it. He'd actually done it.  
  
Back in the intern's room, Liam walked into to find them all waiting for him. As soon as he stepped through the doors, they erupted into cheers. Everyone was whooping and hollering over him. Him. Liam Payne. And that was a pretty amazing feeling. He felt someone slam into him from behind and he laughed. It was Louis.  
"YOU DID IT!" he screeched in his ear, nearly blowing his ear drum.  
"I know!" Liam yelled back, hugging his best friend tight.   
They broke apart and Louis grinned mischievously, saying,   
"You know, considering the courage you've used up today, why don't you use up just a little bit more? I mean, it's infinitely harder to remove an appendix than it is to send a text message, isn't it?"   
  
Liam grabbed him and held him in a head lock, rubbing his hair.  
"You're a big old softie, you know that?"  
"I'm just giving my opinion on the subject, that's all."  
  
Once he was on his own again, Liam took out his phone and stared at it.   
"Come on, Liam.' he berated himself,  
"Just text her!"  
Steeling his resolve, he found Danielle's number and quickly typed out a message. He had to rewrite it about ten times before he got one that was halfway decent.   
To: Danielle (5:33)  
"Hey. You might not remember me, but it's Liam? From the pub last night?"  
  
Before he could change his mind again, he sent it. And as soon as he did, he regretted it. Of course she remembered who he was; he'd broken her nose! Liam spent the next few minutes in agony, waiting for her response. She probably wasn't even going to respond. Why would she? He was pathetic and he made a fool of himself every time he opened his mouth and-  
  
To: Liam (5:37)  
"I actually suffered severe head trauma due to falling on my face in a pub. So I no longer remember anything about myself. Who is this?"   
  
To: Danielle (5:39)  
"Are you joking or...."  
  
To: Liam (5:40)  
"Of course I'm joking, Liam! ;) I'm glad you finally texted me, since I didn't think to ask you for your number last night. I was worried you wouldn't contact me and I'd never hear from you again."  
  
To: Danielle (5:43)  
"How's the nose holding up?"  
  
To: Liam (5:45)  
"Grand. I went to the London today to get it checked out. I was hoping to see you there. How's your day going?"  
  
  
To: Danielle (5:48)  
"I scrubbed in on my first surgery today. That was nerve-wracking."  
  
To: Liam (5:50)  
"Judging by how well you set my nose last night, I'm sure you did excellently."   
  
They continued like this for awhile, and Liam couldn't keep a goofy grin off his face. Maybe Louis wasn't the only lovesick intern anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

“Doctor Tomlinson!” someone called loudly,

Louis knew it was Harry instantly. No one else he knew had that deep tone. Turning around, Louis set his tray of food down. He saw Harry sitting next to two other guys, a tan one with dark hair and another one with bright blonde hair and a plateful of food.

“Come sit with us!” Harry continued, waving him over.

Louis picked up his tray again, feeling hesitant. He didn’t think he should do this. It was insane, he already thought about Harry too much as it was. It would be emotional suicide if he were to go spend more time with his patient. But somehow his feet were moving him forward, towards this one guy he couldn’t get out of his head.

He nodded to Harry as he moved closer and smiled nervously. Harry beamed, showing off that smile and Louis pulled out a chair, sitting down. Harry’s two friends looked at him curiously and Harry put his arm around Louis. He prayed to whatever god was up there that Harry couldn’t feel his muscles tensing from anxiety.

“Guys, this is my doctor,” Harry explained,

Louis nodded again, and extended his hand for the other two to shake,

“I’m Zayn,” the dark haired one said, smiling easily,

Louis looked him up and down, taking in his neat quiff and warm brown eyes. This guy was sexy, no doubt it. If Harry wasn’t right next to him with their elbows touching, Louis would probably be blushing like a school girl right now. He felt a flash of jealously flare up in his chest, and then realized that was ridiculous. For one thing, he didn’t know Harry’s sexual orientation, which was most likely straight. And for another, Zayn could just be his friend. His and Harry’s relationship could be completely platonic, similar to that of Liam and his. And finally, and most importantly, Harry wasn’t his to feel jealous over.

All of this flashed through Louis’ mind as he gripped Zayn’s hand and shook. The other guy, the blonde one, looked over and shook his other hand vigorously, pumping his whole arm up and down. Louis smiled to himself. The gigantic grin, wide blue eyes, and rosy cheeks all added up to this guy’s “cute” factor.

“I’m Niall Horan.” He said, his mouth full of pita bread,

Despite his mouth being full, Louis heard the distinct Irish lilt to his voice and grinned. He’d spent a few weeks in Ireland over the summer when he was younger and something about the place was just magical.

“Irish eh?” he asked,

Niall nodded proudly and Harry spoke again, looking at Louis.

“How’s my favorite doctor?” he asked,

“Has the Kraken broken you yet?”

Louis blushed modestly, looking down at the table. He ate a spoonful of his tomato soup to hid his embarrassment and then gulped back some water,

“How’re you feeling?” Louis asked Harry, looking him up and down, searching for maladies.

“Any illness? Or fainting?”

Harry covered his ears with his hands and put his head down on the table.

“Can we not talk about my health for five minutes please?” he groaned,

“These two are already mollycoddling me enough as it is!”

“Don’t be mean Hazza,” Zayn berated him gently

“It is his job, after all.”

Louis chuckled. He could get along with this guy. Niall glanced at Harry’s untouched plate of salad and pushed it closer to him,

“Eat something,” he urged,

“I’m not hungry.” Harry said, suddenly morose. Louis knew the side effects of chemotherapy were loss of appetite and mood swings, so he could understand why Harry was like this. But Zayn and Niall clearly didn’t get it. They shared a sad look and Niall looked down at his knees.

“I just want you to keep your strength up.” He muttered, his voice thick.

“Would you please just eat something?”

Niall looked up again and his blue eyes were moist. At the sight of his tears, Harry deflated, slumping into his chair. He distemperedly picked up a fork and stabbed a piece of lettuce, shoveling it into his mouth. Niall smiled a happier, albeit watery smile and Zayn clapped Harry on the shoulder. Harry rolled his eyes but ate some more of his lunch. Zayn stood up, muttering something about needing to go outside and Niall went to get more food. Too late, Louis realized he and Harry were alone, and since this wasn’t a check- up, he couldn’t distract him with relentless medical related talk.

“Zayn went for a smoke.” Harry said nonchalantly, as Louis calmly tried to stuff his face so he wouldn’t have to talk.

He looked up and saw that Harry had slammed his fork and knife down and buried his head in his hands. Despite the tension of the moment, Louis couldn’t help but notice how nicely his shoulders filled out his gray sweater and then told himself to snap out of it. Harry obviously wasn’t at his best, and Louis was lusting after him. He’s a despicable human being.

“And I’ve begged him to stop, because smoking just increases his chances of getting lung cancer. And, Jesus Christ, I wouldn’t wish _this_ on anyone. No one deserves to feel this shitty.”

He pulled his hands away from his face and took a deep breath, his entire diaphragm shifting upward. Slowly, hesitantly Louis’ hand crept out to pat Harry’s shoulder. He rubbed a circle on his shoulder blade with his fingers and Harry relaxed, the stiffness leaving his neck.

“You never smoked, right Harry?” Louis asked softly,

Harry shook his head, resting his chin on his palms. He seemed perfectly comfortable with Louis’ hand on his shoulder, so he didn’t move it.

“I have asthma though, so I’d assume that affects something. I don’t know.” Harry said tiredly,

“It’s just- there are over 200 known poisons in cigarettes. And I don’t want Zayn to-“

His voice cracked and he looked down, fiddling with his fingers. Louis threw caution to the wind and fully put his arm around Harry. He couldn’t handle seeing him sad. That little furrow between his eyebrows and that pout of his bottom lip was too much.  

“And then there’s Niall.” Harry continued with a humorless chuckle as Louis awkwardly hugged him.

“He’s so earnest. The poor guy just wants to help me, and I want to let him. But sometimes I feel like he just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand that I’m simply not hungry. Or when he makes jokes, which are often very funny actually, I’m too tired to burst out laughing. You saw him just now, it almost makes little Nialler cry, which is utter agony. There needs to be a law against making him cry.”

Harry fell silent, taking a swing of water and gulping it back. He passed a hand over his mouth and seemed to notice for the first time Louis’ arm wrapped around him.

“I’m sorry for unloading this on you.” Harry said as Louis extracted himself.

“I’m a doctor, its part of my job to sit and listen.” Louis said with a chuckle, letting his arm drop to his side. Harry mustered a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He shook his head as if to clear it and then said,

“But enough about me. I mean what I said when I asked how my favorite doctor was.”

“I’m fine.” He replied,

“You seem tired.” Harry said with concern, looking closer at Louis.

Louis felt a burn in his gut and blood rushed to his cheeks once more. Why was Harry worried about him? They’d seen each other a grand total of three times. Normal people wouldn’t even consider that a proper friendship.

“Yeah, well with my working hours, I don’t get much sleep. And I’m a bit of an insomniac to begin with.”

“Have you tried listening to music?” Harry asked. Louis shook his head and he continued easily,

“I’ll make you a playlist. I hope you don’t mind music that’s not main stream.”

Louis shrugged his shoulders and briefly wondered how the hell Harry was so kind. He was all give, give, give. His watch beeped, signifying the end of his lunch break and Louis bolted up. He’d let time run away from him. Dr. Lee would kill him if he was late for his shift.

“I’ve got to go.” He said hurriedly, chucking his uneaten lunch into the bin. He had started to walk away when Harry’s voice echoed out again.

“Wait, Louis!” he called,

“Give me your email. And your phone number too. I need to be able to contact you, so I can send you the playlist.”

For the first time, Louis saw the hints of a blush graze Harry’s ivory cheeks. He smiled bashfully and held his phone out to Louis hopefully. Louis sighed inwardly, but reached into his pocket and withdrew his, handing it to the other guy. He quickly tapped his number and email into Harry’s contacts and then rushed off to his rounds, trying to ignore the feeling of Harry’s eyes trained on his back. _Idiot idiot idiot_ reverberated in his head with every step he took. Every step he moved away from Harry. 

 

****

**_To: Louis (10:37)_ **

**_Hey. It’s Harry :) How’s your night going?_ **

****

**_To: Louis (11:15)_ **

**_You there?_ **

****

**_To: Louis (12:02)_ **

**_Sorry if I’m bugging you. I started working on the playlist and wanted to share some of the songs with you._ **

****

**_To: Louis (12:30)_ **

**_Louis?_ **

****

**_To: Louis (1:11)_ **

**_Good night, Louis. I hope you sleep well._ **

****

Louis stared at his phone in horror, the screen light up with messages from Harry. Louis’ phone had been turned off because he was on the night shift with Dr. Lee that night. She’d kill him and come back for the remains if he was texting on the job. And she’d definitely murder him if he knew _who_ he was texting. He dropped onto his bed and sent Harry a quick text before dropping off into exhausted sleep.

**_To: Harry (3:15)_ **

**_I’m so sorry! I just got in from work. Tuesdays are my night shifts in the hospital._ **

****

**_To: Louis (7:05)_ **

**_No problem, mate :) I understand bad working hours._ **

****

**_To Harry (7:15)_ **

**_What do you do for a living Harry?_ **

****

**_To: Louis (7:21)_ **

**_I’m in uni studying English literature. And to earn money, I work at a bakery._ **

****

Oh God. He was like something out of a romance novel. Louis can just imagine walking into a bakery and seeing Harry behind the counter, kneading bread or something. He might even get flour on his nose and then smile that adorable smile of his. Louis methodically pounded his head with a fist. He was infatuated. Completely and utterly infatuated. Now he had an image of Harry wearing an apron in his mind’s eye. That was the last thing he needed. How could Louis even respond? Well, wittiness is always good.

****

**_To: Harry (7:30)_ **

**_An English-loving baker. Let me guess, you’re a complete romantic, aren’t you? Jane Austen addict? Pride and Prejudice is your favorite book of all time?_ **

****

**_To Louis (7:33)_ **

**_I resent that, good sir! Jane Austen is a goddess of writing! Her plot lines are romantic while being funny and poignant. And as a matter of fact, P and P is not my favorite._ **

****

**_To: Harry (7:35)_ **

**_So which one of her novels is?_ **

****

**_To: Louis (7:37)_ **

**_Emma. It’s a beautiful story about misunderstanding that ends in love._ **

****

**_To: Harry (7:40)_ **

**_That doesn’t take away from the fact that Jane Austen was an unmarried romance author who used writing to fulfill her dreams of love._ **

****

**_To Louis (7:44)_ **

**_And yet you seem to know an awful lot about Miss. Austen. Are you sure you aren’t a closet Austenite?_ **

****

**_To: Harry (7:46)_ **

**_I grew up with four younger sisters. Romance abounds. I’ve watched “Love Actually” too many times to count. And it makes me want to throw up every single time._ **

****

**_To: Louis (7:46)_ **

**_….You did not just say Love Actually makes you want to vomit. You did not._ **

****

**_To: Harry (7:49)_ **

**_It does. All those cutesy romances at Christmas that somehow connect annoy the hell out of me._ **

****

**_To: Louis (7:51)_ **

**_You’re a cynic! It’s beautiful! The magic of the Christmas season makes people realize how much they love one another. It’s my favorite film._ **

**_To: Louis (7:51)_ **

**_You’re watching it with me. This Saturday night. No arguments._ **

No. No. No. He had to refuse. That was an awful idea. He couldn’t. That was mad. He was a nutter if he thought that was slightly okay. He could lose his job if anyone knew he was spending time with Harry outside of the hospital.

****

**_To: Harry (7:53)_ **

**_Harry, I don’t know. I’m your doctor. I shouldn’t see you outside of the hospital._ **

****

**_To: Louis (7:55)_ **

**_It’s just a movie. My favorite movie. Please Louis?_ **

Fuck. He couldn’t say no to this guy. But he wasn’t going to go into this alone. Liam would go. It might take bribery, blackmail, or even pathetic begging, but Louis would do it if he had to. Maybe he’d subtly drop hints to Harry about getting Niall and Zayn to come too. Come hook or by crook, it wouldn’t just be he and Harry watching the holiday rom-com this coming Saturday.  Louis nibbled on his nails and then grabbed the phone, typing quickly so he wouldn’t have time to change his mind.

**_To: Harry (8:00)_ **

**_Okay. I’m looking forward to it already. I’ll see if my roommate will join in. Maybe Zayn and Niall could come too?_ **

 

“Now,” Harry said seriously, walking in front of the four young guys sitting assembled in front of him. Zayn was sitting upright on Louis’ couch, clearly nervous to be in someone else’s house. Niall, however, was stretched beside him, clearly perfectly at home. Liam was working his shift that night, but he’d be home in a while. Louis was a bit nervous introducing him to the guys, especially Harry, but he knew Liam wouldn’t embarrass him. Well, not intentionally.

“We all know why we’re here.” Harry continued,

“Why _are_ we here again?” Zayn asked, his whiskey-colored eyes questioning. He was clearly wondering how exactly he got wrangled into spending his Saturday night with people he didn’t know that well, watching a movie about fifty different couples. Louis couldn’t blame him; he was asking himself the exact same thing.

“We are here to teach Louis’ cold, cynical heart how love. Starting with a classic film.” Harry said cheerfully.

Zayn shrugged and sat back, leaning into the sofa. He seemed alright with the whole situation. Harry had told Louis that he and Zayn had meet at university while he was studying painting. Zayn was clearly in touch with his artistic, romantic side. And Niall seemed perfectly fine as long as he had beer and food. This evening might go okay.

That thought lasted for the grand total of five seconds. Looking down at the couch, he saw that the only space available to sit was next to Harry. Niall was curled up on one end of the couch with his feet on Zayn’s lap, Harry was on Zayn’s left side, so the only place Louis could sit was right next to him. Settling down, he sat as close to the arm rest as physically possible, trying to keep his and Harry’s legs from touching.

Harry looked over at him and smiled, eyes crinkling at the sides. He snatched the remote up and pressed Play on the film. He crossed his arms behind his head and watched as the opening bars of the movie started.

“You’re going to enjoy this. It’s a very realistic portrayal of romance.”

“I’m sure.” Louis replied, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Because Hugh Grant as Prime Minister would ever happen.”

Harry laughed a booming cackle of a laugh even though what Louis had said wasn’t that funny, clapping a hand to his mouth to stifle it. He patted Louis’ knee and the doctor tried to ignore the warmth of his palm seeping into his leg. Louis tried not to tense up and Harry smiled again, shifting his focus back on the film.

Two minutes in, Louis wanted to die. He’d seen this thousands of times, and it never ceased to nauseate him. But he supposed that Colin Firth wasn’t too hard on the eyes. He leaned back on the couch and rested his head on the cushions. Harry’s elbow brushed against his and Louis felt tingles erupt all over his body. He wanted to fling himself off a cliff somewhere. This guy shouldn’t have this sort of effect on him.

About halfway through the movie, Liam came home. He unlocked the door and stepped through, shutting it quietly behind him.

“Hey mate!” he called into the sitting room. “How’re ya?”

Louis’ heart plummeted. Over the course of the day, Liam had forgotten that they had guests. Louis bolted up and into the kitchen, trying to warn him.

“Okay,” he whispered furiously, clamping a hand over his roommate’s mouth. Liam stared down at him anxiously, his brown eyes wide and worried,

“Harry and his friends Zayn and Niall are here. Okay?” he said, nodding reassuringly,

“We’re watching _Love Actually_.”

Liam snickered, his eyes lighting up. He obviously couldn’t wait to see Louis uncomfortable. Chuckling to himself, he dropped his bags on the ground and walked into the sitting room, smiling genially. He was the eternal host, charming and easy. Liam quickly introduced himself to the guests and Louis breathed a sigh of relief. God bless Liam Payne. There needed to be a Liam Payne Appreciation Day.

“Hey mate!” Harry said easily, extending a hand.

“Great to see you again.”

They shook and Liam turned to Zayn and Niall.

“Hey, guys. I’m Liam, Louis’ roommate and fellow doctor.”

The Irish one beamed that huge smile of his and waved, eyes flitting back to the screen. Zayn looked up slowly and then grinned, a slow smile spreading across his handsome features.

“Hi Liam.’ He said quietly, looking him up and down.

Liam nodded and sat down on the floor, pointedly ignoring the space beside Harry that Louis had vacated. Louis had been hoping against hope he’d sit there, but there was no point. Liam would watch him suffer silently, and enjoy every second. Maybe he’d forget about that appreciation day thing.

 

The next time Louis dared to glance over, he saw that Harry had dozed off. His head had lolled back on the cushions and his mouth was wide open, snoring quietly. Louis smiled softly, letting himself admire the way Harry’s eyelashes fanned across his cheeks. He really was more beautiful than anyone else Louis had ever seen. As he watched, Harry slumped in his sleep, his head sliding down to rest on Louis’ shoulder. He froze, trying not to squirm as Harry’s breath tickled his neck. Now he couldn’t breathe. Niall glanced over, saw Harry and smiled faintly,

“He zonked out?”

Louis nodded very slightly, trying not to jostle the sleeping boy. Niall pulled down a blanket from the back of a couch and handed in to Louis.

“He gets cold really easy.” Niall whispered,

“Side effect of treatment.” Louis replied, taking the blanket and tucking it around Harry’s lanky frame. Harry sighed in his sleep and snuggled closer to Louis, putting his head fully on his chest. His curls tickled Louis’ chin and Louis fought every urge he had to not press a kiss to the top of his head.

Right before the film ended, Harry woke up, his eyes lazily opening. He looked up at Louis and smiled, his eyes sleepy and glazed over. Pieces of his hair were pressed to his face with sweat and two matching spots of red were stained across his cheekbones from the warmth,

“Hello there.” He mumbled out, making no effort to move,

“You’re lovely and warm, Lou.”

He looked back at the TV screen and then beamed, flashing his gigantic white teeth,

“I love this bit! This is where Jamie goes to declare his love to Aurelia!”

“Yeah.” Louis said enthusiastically, pretending he knew what he was talking about. He hadn’t been paying any attention to the film; His mind had been otherwise occupied for the last hour.

“It’s so romantic. He learned Portuguese just so he could ask her to marry him. And then she said yes in English.”

Harry clasped his hands to his chest in delight, green eyes shining. He watched the scene, completely rapt. He even mouthed the words along with the characters. Once they had their big, dramatic kiss, Louis saw tears pool out of Harry’s eyes and glide down his cheeks. He giggled to himself and Harry glanced back at him, reddening.

“You old sofie.” Louis said.

“Oh, shut up.” Harry muttered, rubbing the back of his neck as he smiled sheepishly.

Eventually, the film ended and they went their separate ways. Zayn and Niall said their goodbyes and then went to the car, but Harry was dragging his feet. He took his jacket off the coat rack and put it on, then kneeled down to retie his shoes. Louis walked over and stood by him as he looked up. A soft smile lingered on his lips and Louis felt his heart nearly explode in his chest. What was air? How could anyone’s respiratory systems function properly when Harry Styles was around?

Harry opened his arms slightly, as if he was waiting for Louis to embrace him. But he hesitated and Harry could clearly see it on his face.

“Mate, I just fell asleep on you.” He reminded him gently, eyebrows rising, 

“I think the Doctor/Patient divide has been crossed.”

Louis blushed, looking down at his shoes. All of a sudden, he felt himself hugged tight in Harry’s arms. They were pressed chest to chest, but Harry was so much taller than Louis that he was eye-level with his collarbone. Harry rested his chin on Louis’ head and Lou swallowed the lump in his throat. He could feel Harry’s heartbeat through his shirt, steady and strong. He was going to die. Harry would be the death of him.

“Did you like the movie?” Harry asked, so softly that only Louis could possibly hear him.

“Yes, I have a new appreciation for all things romantic.” Louis said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood,

“So I take that to mean you’re still as cynical as ever?” Harry asked with a glint in his eye,

“Well, no. I don’t necessarily _enjoy_ watching romantic shite like that, but it’s not as unbearable as it was before.”

“Good,” Harry said with satisfaction,

“But that’s not the end of your education. Next week, we’re watching the Notebook. Have tissues on hand at all times.’

Louis wasn’t sure whether he should laugh or cry. Harry smiled at him one last time and then walked out of the flat, waving goodbye. Louis shut the door tight behind him and then crossed the room in two bounds. He flung himself down on the couch and screamed into the blanket. Then he realized it was the same blanket Harry had been curled up in. It even smelled like him; that intoxicating mixture of cologne and aftershave and something he couldn’t quite describe. Something that was purely Harry. 

 

“I seriously hate chemotherapy.” Harry grumbled as he sat down in a chair and rolled up his sleeve. Louis glanced at him as he sterilized the needles. Harry was now on his fourth cycle of chemo, and the effects of it were now becoming blatantly obvious. He was lean by nature, but now he looked thinner than ever. His cheekbones looked awfully sharp and gaunt because of the weight loss. But the thing that hurt Louis the most was the loss of Harry’s hair. His curls had started falling out a few weeks ago, but now they were gone in earnest. Harry had taken to wearing beanies to hide it. No matter how aloof he acted, Louis knew Harry was embarrassed by his current appearance.

He didn’t seem himself today. That cheeky smile was gone, the light from his eyes dissipated. Louis was worried about him, and he made it his goal to make Harry smile today.

“I hate administering chemo, if that means anything.” He said.

“It doesn’t, but thank you, Louis.” Harry said tiredly. He leaned back into the chair and lifted his arm up for Louis to prick. Louis gently attached the IV and then sat down across from Harry, his clipboard in hand. He needed to assess his medical condition.

“Before you ask,” Harry said, holding his hands up to stop Louis,

“I’m tired all the time, as you have evidence. And I’m nauseous. I want to puke right now, actually.”

Louis said nothing and just watched his patient, feeling miserable. Harry shut his eyes and rested his head back, folding his arms over his stomach.

“Aren’t you going to write that down, Doc?” he said bitterly,

Louis wrote this down in his neat, slanted handwriting. He slowly reached a hand out and patted Harry’s knee comfortingly, looking unsure of himself. Grasping Louis’ hand tight, Harry sighed deeply and opened his eyes. He caught sight of Louis’ worried face and said,

“I’m sorry I’m being such an arse today. It’s not you I’m upset at; it’s my life right now that’s pissing me off.”

“It’s no problem.” Louis said quietly,

“if anyone has reason to be irritable, it’s you.”

Harry’s fingers tightened around Louis and he didn’t try to let go. Harry’s hand dwarfed his, he could nearly hold two of Louis’ in one of his own. The patient looked at Louis curiously and then said,

“Lou, if I tell you something romantically tragic, will you listen?”

He nodded. Harry was obviously in a fragile state right now, someone needed to listen to him. Louis leaned forward and Harry looked at his knees before he could speak. But he did, and when Louis looked in his green eyes, he saw them shining with tears.

“Today’s November 4. And it’s the three year anniversary of my break up with my boyfriend.”

Boyfriend? _Boyfriend?_ Harry had a boyfriend at one time? Louis felt like setting himself on fire at this news, but he managed to keep his composure. Harry kept talking and Louis listened so hard his ears popped.

“His name was Theodore. My teddy.” He said with a faint smile,

“We dated all through the summer before uni. We went to parties, snogged whenever we got the chance, a stereotypical summer romance. I know that sounds cliché, but that’s really how it was. He was- magical. He made me accept who I was, made me stop hiding. That was the year I came out to my family. They were great about it, of course. They even wanted to bring him over for dinner, get to know the guy I never shut up about, you know?”

Harry sighed, bowing his head and Louis gripped his hand tighter, trying to pour some of his own strength into this frail boy. He looked up again and then continued, saying,

“And that’s when everything went to shit. Theo flipped out. He said he wasn’t ready; he was worried my family wouldn’t like him. I told him that was ridiculous, that they’d love him because I loved him. And saying _that_ was probably my biggest mistake.”

“Theo wasn’t looking for a relationship the way I was. He just wanted someone to make out with. He never intended on telling anyone about us. It led to him telling me that being gay wasn’t normal. He was ashamed of himself, and by extent, me. This guy that had basically coaxed me out of the closet was sitting there telling me he hated what we were. And it broke my heart, Louis. I think I cried for days. I’d just sit in my room and sob. So many things about our relationship suddenly made sense. At parties, he’d leave me in some empty room for a while, saying he’d be there in two seconds. I was usually on my own for a good hour before he reappeared. And he’d never hold my hand in public. We walk around town together but anyone who saw us would just assume we were good friends by the way we acted together. We were only a couple on our own.”

Harry buried his head in his elbow, trembling. Louis felt a sudden urge to wrap Harry in his arms and never let him go. Harry looked up again, his cheeks stained with fresh tears.

“I got over it, obviously. I’m not a sobbing heap all the time anymore. Sometimes it just rises up and hits me all over again. And today was the same day we broke up three years ago and then I had chemo to top it all off and-“

Harry’s voice broke and he shrugged helplessly, throwing his spare hand up on the air. It was clear that when Harry fell in love, he was totally and completely in love. From what it sounded like, Theo had broken Harry’s heart, burned the shattered fragments and then stomped on the ashes. Louis wanted to find this chap and go kill him. Harry loved so purely, so innocently. How you could hurt someone like that, Louis didn’t know.

“And yet, you’re still a romantic.” Louis said tenderly,

“He did all that to you, and you somehow managed to smile again. You still believe in romance, in love. Your favorite film is fecking _Love Actually_. And that, Harry, is admirable.”

Harry smiled wanly, more tears seeping out of his eyes. Louis wanted to take his face in his hands and kiss the tears away. He never wanted to see Harry cry again, because it hurt him too much.

“Is it?” he asked breathlessly,

“Or am I just chasing something I’ll never have? It’s hard enough to find a partner when you’re gay, but I have so many other variables too. Who wants a washed up, cancer-ridden mess like me?”

_I do!!!!_ Louis wanted to scream. He wanted to shout from the roof top of the Royal London Hospital “ _I want Harry Styles!”_ But he didn’t. He simply patted Harry’s hand, his mind whirling with all the new information.

“And now I’m treating you like a shrink.” Harry said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You, one of the few people who treats me normally and now I’m the one isolating myself from you by spouting all this utter shit.’

“It’s not shit.” Louis said suddenly, his grip on Harry’s hand tightening once more. He distantly wondered if he’d cut the circulation in his hand off, but then pushed that thought away.

“I’m here to listen, Harry.”

Harry nodded, shutting his eyes again. Louis turned to leave but Harry grabbed onto the side of his coat, holding him back.

“Stay please.” He said in what can only be described as a whimper. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Louis nodded and sat back down, making sure to keep a hand on Harry’s knee to let him know he was still there. Eventually Harry dropped off into sleep, worn out from the crying and chemotherapy. Still Louis sat there, not wanting to leave.

“Number Three?”

Louis jumped up out of his seat, whirling around in the same motion. Dr. Lee was leaning against the door frame, observing him.

“I needed you twenty minutes ago.”

“Ah- erm- Harry was pretty emotional. I just wanted to make sure he was alright.”

“I did not ask for excuses, Number Three. Go do your job.”

Louis nodded, scrambling up and rushing past her. As he went down the hall, Dr. Lee called after him, “Remember what I said, Three. Don’t get too attached.”

As soon as Louis got home, he found Liam in the kitchen, poring over some cook books. Louis ran up behind him and grabbed him by the elbows. They were spinning around, the cookbooks pressed between their chests.

“He likes men!” Louis screamed joyously.

Liam understood instantly and his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Then he started screaming his head off alongside Louis.


	5. Chapter 5

Liam

 

Liam wanted to vomit. He’d somehow plucked up the courage to invite Danielle out to dinner, but now that courage had disappeared. He wanted to go to the toilet, puke, and then back out of the date. It was just dinner at an Italian restaurant.

“You need to calm down, Li!” Louis called into the restroom as he styled his hair for the millionth time.

“She’ll definitely love you!”

“You don’t know that!” he called back, running his fingers through his hair, trying not to have a panic attack. Louis sauntered into the toilet and shoved Liam down onto the edge of the tiny bathtub. He looked at Liam appraisingly, tilting his head to the side. Then he put a hand on Liam’s head and completely messed up his carefully done quiff.

“What the hell, man!” he cried, shoving him off.

“This took ages!”

“The best fashion adviser you will ever have is a gay man.” He reminded him, smirking,

“You looked too uptight with the hair like that. It looks adorable when it falls in your eyes.”

“Really?” he asked, looking in the mirror again.

“Yeah, and it might even initiate a kiss. She’ll lean forward, brush those bangs out of your big brown eyes, batting her’s seductively. You’ll inch closer, until your lips almost touch. But she’ll stop you at the last second and whisper “I can’t believe this is actually happening.” And then finally, your mouths meet.”

“Wow, Lou. It’s nice to know you think that’s possible-“

But Louis wasn’t finished. He leaned forward, clasping his hands together and dropping to his knees in mock-rapture,

“She’ll fall into your arms, and sunlight will stream from the sky. A choir of heavenly angels will sing down upon you, HALLEJULIAH!’

Liam pushed Louis away, smiling good-naturedly. Even if it was embarrassing, Louis had taken his mind off his nerves. He quickly rushed down the stairs, grabbed a jacket and flinging it across his shoulders. He didn’t want to be late. Louis clopped after him, tugging a sweater over his head.

“How do you plan on spending the evening?” Liam asked.

“I’m going to hang out with Niall, Zayn and Harry” He replied.

“We’re going to get McDonalds and watch the football match.”

Liam grinned wryly, glancing at his roommate out of the corner of his eye. Louis was trying his best to look nonchalant, but failing utterly. He couldn’t keep that stupid little smile off his face.

“Oh, hanging with Harry, huh?” Liam said, nudging Louis’ side with his elbow.

“Going to get cozy and watch some footie?”

“Niall and Zayn will be there too!” Louis said defensively, his tan skin pink.

“And as for getting cozy, that’s not happening.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I saw you the night we watched that film. You looked very-snuggly.”

“I did not initiate that. He’s a patient, he fell asleep, it was my duty as a doctor to allow him to get some needed rest.”

“I’m sure, Lou. That’s all it was.” Liam said sarcastically.

Louis blushed again, fiddling with his hair. Liam straightened his collar for him. Louis nodded his thanks and opened the door.

“After you.” He said with a cheeky grin.

“Have fun on your date.”

“You too!” Liam called back as the door closed behind him. He heard Louis laugh and he grinned to himself. He walked out of the flat and zipped up his jacket to protect from the cold winter air. Looking up, he saw Zayn waiting at the gate.

“Hey, mate!” Liam called to him as he walked forward.

“Waiting for Lou?”

Zayn nodded silently, eyes guarded. Every time Liam had seen him, Zayn hadn’t said more than five words all together. Liam couldn’t decide if he was didn’t like Liam personally or if he was just really shy. He was hoping for shy, though.

“Grand. Just don’t get him too drunk. We’ve got work in the morning.”

Zayn nodded again and then suddenly said,

“You look spiffed up.”

“Er- yeah. Thanks. I’ve got an-erm date tonight.”

“Have fun.” He said quietly.

Liam nodded, smiling weakly. He turned to go, waving good bye to Zayn as he moved away. He hailed a taxi and hopped in, telling the driver the address of the restaurant he and Danielle would be eating at. After ten minutes that seemed to take an eternity, he made it. Getting out of the car, he paid the driver and walked to the doors of Rocco’s Italian Eatery. He looked around for Danielle and as he did so, his phone buzzed.

To: Liam (6:05)

Running a bit late. Wait for me outside of the restaurant, please? :)

To: Danielle (6:06)

Yeah, no bother. See you in a sec.

Five minutes later, Liam spotted Danielle dashing towards him. He smiled as she walked up to his side. She looked breathless and slightly pink, as if she’d rushed to get there. She beamed up at him, her curly brown hair tucked tight under a hat.

“Sorry I’m late. I’m a primary school teacher, and the kids were a bit rowdy today. And then I had to stay to clean up our macaroni artwork-“she explained.

“There’s no problem.” He said good-naturedly.

“Shall we go in?”

Danielle nodded eagerly. Liam quickly stepped forward and pulled the door of Rocco’s open so Danielle could go first.

“Such a gentlemen.” She said approvingly as she stepped through.

Liam followed her into the warm building. This place was homey, the servers were friendly and the food was great, so Liam thought it was a good place for a first date. A waitress led Danielle and him to their table, a tiny one for two right in the back. They sat down and looked at their menus.

“So, what’s good to eat at this joint, huh?” Danielle asked agreeably.

“I like the chicken parmesan. And the salads are yummy too.’

Yummy? Did he really just say yummy? What was he? Five? Liam wanted to beat his head against the table, but Danielle smiled to herself.

“I’m actually starved. My kids at school are pretty rambunctious. I’m going to get the pizza.”

“Oh, thank God.” Liam said,

“What?” Danielle asked curiously.

“You’re not afraid to eat. I’m starving too, but I didn’t want look like a pig.”

Danielle giggled, holding a hand to her mouth.

“I eat like a horse. No food is safe from this tummy.” She said, patting her stomach.

She’s perfect. All through dinner, she made Liam laugh until his sides ached. They talked about everything and nothing over pizza, which they shared together. Once dinner was over, Liam grabbed the bill before Danielle could react.

“No, I’m paying.” He said as Danielle tried to snatch it off him.

“I’m a feminist.” She warned him,

“Don’t think I won’t wrestle you to the ground for that check.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” Liam said as he handed the waitress his credit card. Danielle sighed a little but couldn’t help but smile. They walked out of Rocco’s together and stood out in the cold, not wanting to be the first to leave.

“I had fun tonight.” Liam said shyly.

“Me too.” Danielle replied sweetly.

“So- you’d want to do something like this again-sometime?” Liam said, stammering over his words.

“Definitely. I’d love to actually.”

Liam beamed so hard it hurt his cheekbones. Danielle slowly slipped her hand between Liam’s, her glove warm against his cold skin. She turned so they were face-to-face, her eyes big and wide staring up into his. She leaned up on her tip-toes until her nose brushed his.

“You don’t mind if I kiss you, right?” she whispered,

“Why on earth would I mind?” he asked wonderingly.

But Danielle didn’t respond. She’d pressed her lips against his. Liam’s hands surrounded her waist, pulling her closer. It was freezing outside, but all Liam felt was warmth. Danielle wrapped her arms around his neck and practically lifted herself up. They broke apart and Danielle giggled.

“Thanks.” She breathed,

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

And even if it hadn’t happened at all like the way Louis had envisioned it, it was still wonderful.

 

When Liam came home, he was all smiles, thinking about Danielle. But this went away as soon as he saw Louis sprinting around the house, a suitcase in his hands. A wild, panicked look on Louis’ face scared Liam.

“What’s going on, Lou?” he asked, grabbing his shoulders and making him stop.

“My mum- she-“

Louis’ voice cracked and he looked down, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Phoebe climbed up a tree and then got scared, so Mum went up to get her- And she fell-She fell out of the goddamned tree and broke her leg-“

Liam pulled Louis in a hug, holding him tight. His shoulders were shaking and Liam realized that Louis was convulsing with sobs. Louis, the guy who never shed a tear over anything was sobbing.

“I should be there- helping her! She shouldn’t have to be parent to four young girls all on her own. I need to go home.” Louis said frantically, breaking off his embrace with Liam and grabbing the suitcase again. He rushed to his closet and began pulling down random clothes, haphazardly shoving them into the case.

“Can you tell Dr. Lee? I know she scares you, but please, Li?” he begged, sitting on the case to close it. 

“Yes, of course!” Liam said, scrambling over to zip the suitcase closed.

“I’ll tell her. And cover your rounds as well.”

Louis leapt up and flung his arms around his friend, pressing kisses to both his cheeks.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

Louis spent the next five minutes dashing around the flat, getting everything he needed. Liam followed him around dutifully; actually get Louis’ more ready than Louis was. He found his keys, his wallet, his iPod, everything Louis would need for travel. Before Lou ran out the door to catch the train to Doncaster, Liam hugged him one last time.

“She’ll be fine.’ He muttered in his ear.

Louis nodded agitatedly, his eyes flicking back and forth with stress. He rushed away and Liam shut the door behind him quietly. The next few days would be pretty difficult.

 

Liam walked into Harry’s hospital room on weary feet. Between taking care of his and Louis’ patients, he was bone tired. He’d wrangled a few other interns to help him, but mostly the work fell on Liam. So going into see Harry, he paused to catch his breath. After a few moments, he walked in and saw Harry sitting in a chair, reading a book. He looked up and saw Liam standing there.

“Hi Liam.” He said, “Lou out sick today or something?”

Liam instantly noticed the worry in Harry’s voice and made a mental note of it. After seeing Harry interact around Louis, he could see that Harry was just as smitten with Louis as Louis was with him. Louis just couldn’t see it. He could never see how amazing he was. So Liam decided to use this time alone with Harry to determine how much he really cared for Liam’s best friend.

“Ah, no. Louis had to go back home to Doncaster. He had a family issue.”

If Harry had looked worried before, it was nothing compared to how he looked now. His eyebrows wrinkled together and he seemed ready to rush out of the hospital to find Louis.

“Oh.” He said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“I hope everything’s okay.”

“Yeah. “ Liam said,

“So, this is just a regular check-up today. How’re you feeling?”

“Fine, yeah. Yeah, I’m grand. But are you positive Louis’ okay?” Harry said with concern.

Liam couldn’t kept the smile off his face. He folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall.

“You seem very worried about our friend Lou.’ He said

“Yes. He’s been kind to me all throughout treatment. And he’s very charming and-“

“You like him, don’t you Harry?” Liam said.

Harry’s jaw dropped open and he stood up, gripping Liam’s hands to the point of pain. He looked at him beseechingly, eyes wide and scared.

“Who told you? Niall? Zayn?”

He blanched at some thought and then whispered,

“Louis doesn’t know, does he?”

“No. Harry, I guessed. Louis has no idea.”

Harry visibly relaxed, sinking back down into his chair. He tugged his beanie off and rested his forehead on his elbow.

“Oh, thank God. “ he said quietly, relief evident in his voice.

“How long have you had feelings for him?” Liam asked softly.

“Liam, I’ve liked him from practically the moment he first walked into this room and dropped my chart.” Harry said hopelessly. Liam felt like squealing like a girl. Harry wanted Louis and Louis wanted Harry. As much as a relationship was improbable between them, Liam was ecstatic about this news.

“And I know that’s impossible. Because he’s completely amazing and handsome and so, so kind. He treats me like a normal person but helps me through tough things and I just- I can’t get him out of my mind. How could anyone like Lou ever even consider someone like me?”

Liam wanted to just hug Harry and tell him the truth; that Louis had considered Harry and found him better than anyone else. But he knew Louis would kill him for it. So he stayed silent.

“Please don’t tell him, Liam.” Harry said miserably. “He can’t know.”

“Harry, I’d never betray you like that.” Liam said gently,

“But I can’t help but think you should tell Louis yourself.”

Harry laughed without any humor, throwing his head back. He looked at Liam and shook his head,

“No. nope. Never. He’ll never know about this.”

“You’ll never know how Louis feels if you don’t tell him.”

“But what if he doesn’t feel the same way?” Harry asked in a small voice, staring at his knees.

“That’s a risk you’ll have to take, Harry.” Liam said, patting his shoulder.

Harry gave a small sigh, staring at his folding hands. He seemed to realize the sense in Louis’ words and he took a deep breath.

“I guess I’ll try.” He said.

“That’s the spirit!” Liam said encouragingly. “Just try it. Sure, you don’t know how he’ll react, but it could be worth it.”

It sure as hell would be worth it. Liam knew exactly how Louis would react. He’d jump up and down. He’d laugh ecstatically. His voice would gradually get louder and louder, until he screamed with joy. And Liam would probably scream along with him once he found out these two guys had officially gotten it together.

“But how do I tell him?” Harry asked nervously.

“I mean, I can’t just walk up and say “Hey Lou, you’re hot. Let’s go out and get it on. Sounds fun, yeah?”

“Just- get him alone and say what you want to say. It doesn’t really matter where.”

Harry nodded resolutely, and in his eyes Liam could see an idea forming.


	6. Chapter 6

Louis

Louis was nearly asleep on his feet. First, he’d gone through the night to get to Doncaster, arriving around one in the morning. He’d found his mum curled up wide awake in bed, teeth gritted in pain. Louis’ sisters were all asleep around her, cheeks tear stained. They were nestled into her sides, probably thinking that they were helping her in some way. But with Louis’ trained medical eye, he could see that they were just making her hurt more.

“Louis.” She had said, trying to sound cheerful despite the pain in her voice.

“Mum, why aren’t you at the hospital?” he’d replied, rushing to the side of the bed.

“I couldn’t leave the girls alone.” She said softly, smoothing Fizzy’s hair off her forehead.

He gently pushed Daisy and Phoebe to the side and put his arm under his mother’s shoulders, easing her into the sitting position. She hissed through her teeth and Louis kicked himself for not getting there sooner.

“I came as fast as I could, Mum.” He said guiltily as they hobbled across the room.

“But we’re going to the hospital right now. I’ll write a note and put it where Lottie can see it, since she’s the most responsible.”

She nodded and they reached the landing of the stairs. Louis slipped his arm under her legs and she wrapped her arms around his neck, making her easier to lift up. Louis leaned her against his chest, trying not to jostle her broken leg.  

“Thank you for coming, Lou.” She said as they walked down the stairs.

“I really wasn’t sure what to do.”

“I’ll always be there when you need me, Mum.”

Louis somehow slotted his key into the lock and stepped out the door, shutting it tightly behind him. He walked cautiously down the steps with his mother in his arms. They reached the car and Louis very gently placed her down into the passenger seat, clicking her seatbelt into place. He got into the other side and started the vehicle, driving slowly and carefully as to not hurt her more.

Twenty minutes later, they’d arrived at the Doncaster County Hospital. His mother was admitted automatically, being berated by the nurses that she hadn’t come sooner. Louis explained the situation and they cooed over him being “such a good son.” But Louis didn’t feel like a good son. He felt awful for not being there. He wished he didn’t live in London. He wanted to be there. Louis watched as they set his mother’s break. Any curiosity he would have once had about injuries flew out the window the second he saw his mother lying there in a hospital bed. He rushed out of the room and went and threw up in the toilet. Louis didn’t mind pain, but he hated seeing people he loved in pain. There’s a big difference there.

Louis spent the remainder of the night sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, not even trying to sleep. He played crappy games on his phone, counted the tiles of the ceiling, considered texting Liam or Harry. But they probably wouldn’t respond, it was almost three in the morning. Louis leaned his head against the back of his chair, already knowing he’d have a crick in his neck the following morning.

His phone buzzed just as his eyes were sliding shut. He looked down and saw an email in his inbox. Clicking it open, he read it was from Harry.

**_This is just the start of your playlist, Lou :) Enjoy, and actually get some sleep tonight!_ **

**_Kiss Me- Ed Sheeran_ **

**_Give Me Love- Ed Sheeran_ **

**_Small Bump- Ed Sheeran_ **

**_If I’m James Dean, You’re Audrey Hepburn- Sleeping with Sirens (acoustic)_ **

**_With Ears to See and Eyes to Hear- Sleeping with Sirens_ **

**_Roger Rabbit- Sleeping with Sirens_ **

**_Do It Now, Remember It Later- Sleeping with Sirens_ **

**_Spectrum- Florence and the Machine_ **

**_Seven Devils- Florence and the Machine_ **

**_Howl- Florence and the Machine_ **

**_Stray Italian Greyhound- Vienna Tag_ **

**_Medicine- Daughter_ **

**_Smother- Daughter_ **

**_Love- Daughter_ **

Louis smiled to himself as he read the email Harry’d sent him. Mostly because he had no idea who any of the people on this playlist were. He distantly remembered Fizzy and Lottie jabbering about Ed Sheeran to him once, but he knew nothing about the artist himself. It wasn’t surprising Harry liked music like this; he didn’t come across as a guy who followed the crowd. He clicked the attached file and synched the music to his iPod, hoping all the new songs wouldn’t cause it to crash or something.

Once the music was finished downloading, Louis grabbed it and put some ear phones in. Pressing play on a random song, he stretched out on the bed and rested his head back on the pillows. Some guitar chords began and then a voice rang out. And this guy’s voice was like- sunlight in a jar.

“ _Your heart’s against my chest. Your lips pressed to my neck. I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet.’_

 Well, those lyrics were pretty appropriate. It kind of described how he felt about Harry. He just wanted to be with him. He wanted them to sleep together. Not sex, just sleep. Harry would probably look so beautiful while he slept. He wanted to feel Harry’s arms wrapped around him, completely encompassing him. Louis would put his head on his chest and listen as his heart beat slowed while they dozed off together. They’d lie tangled up and Louis wouldn’t know whose limbs where who’s.

 Wow. He already felt sleepy. His eyes were sliding shut as more music played. Who was this guy singing? He lazily opened one eye and glanced at the screen, wincing at the bright light. So this was Ed Sheeran. Wow. Say what you will, Harry had good taste in music. Louis was asleep in mere minutes.

Louis spent the next few days taking care of his mother. He made her stay on strict bed rest, kept the girls out of her hair, and basically pampered to her every need. The doctor in Louis refused to quit. He checked on her every hour, so much so that she practically begged him to go out and have fun.

“I want to take care of you.” He argued stubbornly.

“Fine,” she said with a soft smile, offering out her hand to him.

“But at least sit by me and have a chat.”

Louis obediently sat down next to her and she smiled up at him.

“So, how’s my baby boy?” she asked sweetly, “Enjoying life in the city?”

Louis opened his mouth to say yes and then closed it. He had to be honest to her. And he wasn’t really enjoying himself in London.

“To be entirely truthful, no I’m not.” He said, resting his hands on his knees.

“Why?” she asked. “Is the hospital bothering you? I really need to talk to that resident of yours-“

“Oh God, Mum don’t.” he said. Lord only knows what Dr. Lee would do if he sent his mother in to fight his battles.

“No, it’s not my job that’s upsetting me. I’m just- not happy.”

“Is this a romantic problem, Louis?” she asked gently, taking his hand again and squeezing it lightly.  How did she always know? She could read him like a book. Louis nodded slowly, staring at his shoes.

“Do you want to tell me about him?”

So Louis did. He told his mum, the one person he trusted most, all about Harry. He kept nothing back, telling every little detail. She held his hand the entire time, listening intently to every word he uttered. Once he finished, she looked at him, her eyes wet.

“Oh Louis.” She said softly, “He sounds like something really special.”

“He is.” Louis replied, “He’s wonderful. But I don’t think he even thinks of me that way. And even if he did, I couldn’t act on it. He’s my patient. It’s completely unethical, and Dr. Lee would have my head.”

“Louis.” His mum said, “From what you’ve said, it seems like you two have chemistry. And I know it sounds crazy, but I’d go for it.”

“Are you telling me to seduce my patient?” he said incredulously. “You, my mother, are advising me to do _that?”_

“Not seduce.” She admonished. “I just think there’s potential for you two.”

“Potential of a lawsuit, maybe.”

“Just- promise me you won’t give up, Louis?”

He nodded with a smile, inwardly planning on doing the exact opposite. He’d never act on his feelings for Harry. Even if the man himself came up and told Lou that he adored him, he wouldn’t act on it.

 

**_To: Louis (7:33)_ **

**_Hey. I heard from Liam that you’re back in the city. I’m sorry about your mum though. Hope she’s alright. But I’m glad you’ve finally returned to us. So, I was wondering if you wanted to come visit my bakery this Saturday? Maybe around noon? I mean, I’ve seen where you work all the time, right? The address is 55 Avenue, in Convent Garden. Hope to see you there._ **

****

Louis walked through the freezing streets of London with his hands deep in his pockets. Louis only liked winter when it snowed. It being cold without snow was utterly pointless. He bowed his head to hide from the icy rain hitting him. He didn’t know what he was doing. This was complete and utter madness. But he hadn’t seen Harry in a week and something in him was aching to clap eyes on the patient again. He needed to see that smile, if only for a moment.

 Louis turned one final corner and saw a small sign that read “Rosie’s Bakery.” It was a tiny little place. If you weren’t looking for it, you’d miss it completely. Louis pulled open the door and stepped through, a bell jangling above his head. How quaint.  He entered the building and carefully wiped his wet shoes on the door mat. 

“Louis!”

Louis looked up and saw Harry standing behind the counter. And, oh sweet Jesus, he was just as Louis had envisioned him. He even had a flour-covered apron and everything.

“You came!” Harry cried with a beam so sunny it completely light up the darkly light room.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” Louis replied, walking to the counter and sitting down in a tall chair.

“I knew you would. But you look absolutely freezing, Lou!” Harry said, sudden dismay on his face as he took in Louis’ cheeks and hands, turned red by the cold. He quickly grabbed his hands, rubbing them between his, warmth soaking into Louis’ chilled skin.

“It’s cold out there today.” Louis admitted uncomfortably as Harry released him.

“What would you like?” Harry asked, sweeping his arms wide and gesturing behind him.

“We have coffee, hot chocolate, tea-“

“I’ll have some tea please.” Louis said.

Harry adeptly poured some boiling tea into a mug. He handed it to Louis and rushed around, getting sugar and milk.

“Do you mind plain sugar? Like, I know being a surgeon you’re pretty health-conscious and sugar’s bad for you. I would offer you that calorie-free Sweet and Low stuff, but we don’t have any.” He said anxiously.

“Harry, plain sugar is fine!” Louis said patiently, trying not to smile as he saw Harry’s clear nerves. He grabbed the sugar jar and milk jug before Harry dropped them and added it to the tea; a dash of milk and two teaspoons of sugar, the way he always took it.

“Here, go sit over there.” Harry instructed, pointing to the table for two next to the window of the bakery.

“I’ll be over in a second.”

Louis nodded and walked over, pulling out a chair and sitting down. He set his mug of tea on the table and rested his chin on his palm, gazing idly out the window at the rainy day outside.

 

About ten minutes later, Harry walked over, holding a muffin in one hand. He placed it in front of Louis with a shy smile. Looking down, Louis read green icing across the top.

“Thank you.” He read aloud.

He glanced up at Louis in surprise.

“Thank you for what?”

Harry sat down and leaned on his elbows, beckoning Louis closer.

“For listening to my meltdowns. And for being my doctor. And for being my friend.”

Louis smiled deeply, wanting more than ever to lean across the table and kiss Harry for his sweetness. But then he forced that away. He needed to stop these feelings for Harry. He gestured to the muffin and Louis peeled off the wrapper before sinking his teeth into the soft pastry.

Louis’ eyes flicked up and he saw Harry’s eager expression, itching for his approval. Louis tried to smile with his mouth full and then gave Harry the thumb’s up.

“That’s a damn good muffin.” He mumbled thickly.

Louis took another bite, not noticing some icing stick to his lip. Harry silently leaned over and wiped it off with his thumb. Louis tensed at his touch and Harry dropped his hand on top of Louis’, holding it tight. Louis tried to ignore this and took a huge gulp of tea to distract himself, burning the inside of his mouth.

“Louis, there’s something I’ve wanted to say for a while now.” He said softly.

Oh no. He must have figured out how Louis felt for him. Well, it mustn’t have been too hard. Louis couldn’t keep the doe eyes off his face when he was around. But this was bad. So, so bad. Was Harry about to ask him to drop his case? It wouldn’t be too hard. All he had to do was talk to Dr. Lee and ask for a different doctor. He wouldn’t even have to give a specific reason. He felt dread clench his insides. He didn’t want to be away from Harry.

Louis glanced up and looked at Harry, knowing the desperation was on his face. _Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it,_ his eyes begged. _Don’t kick me out of your life. Please don’t._ He started as he felt Harry lace his fingers through Louis’. Harry bit his lip and then opened his mouth to speak.

“I really, really like you.” He said quietly, looking at the scratched table, out the window, anywhere but at Louis. He had a red blush creeping up his neck and he smiled bashfully. Their eyes met and Harry traced the veins of Louis’ hands with his fingertips.

“I like you so much it hurts, Louis. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you from the moment I met you. And I realize that’s insane because I’m a patient and you’re a doctor. And you’re so wonderful and I’m such a mess. But these feelings won’t disappear. I’ve tried and I’ve tried to make them go away, but they won’t. I guess deep down I don’t want them to. I haven’t felt like this since I moved to London. Since Theo actually. And it’s wonderful to feel like this.”

Louis felt goose bumps erupt all over his body. Every nerve seemed to be hyper sensitive.  Harry’s hand was wrapped around his in a way he’d never thought it would be. Louis wasn’t sure if he was hearing correctly or if the entire universe had gone upside down and this was some parallel reality in which everything he’d ever wanted to hear was being said. Harry was leaned forward, his beautiful face earnest and totally open. He was offering himself up to Louis completely, in the only way he knew how. Through talking.

“I’m not fully sure what the hell I’m even doing. I’ve never had a conversation at all like this. Jesus, for being an English major, I’m ineloquent. ‘Harry said with a nervous chuckle, his grip on Louis’ hand tightening.

“Lou, I’m taking a huge leap of faith here. And I guess what I’m asking is for you to catch me?”

Oh God. This wasn’t happening. Louis was in a dream and soon he’d wake up and everything would go back to normal. But as he sat there, Harry’s larger hand in his, he knew that he couldn’t agree, no matter how much he wanted to. There were too many things stacked against them. Dr. Lee would kill him.  Louis couldn’t let this go any further. He’d be Harry’s doctor. Nothing less. Nothing more. That’s all he had the right to be. Louis pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes, trying to dull the pounding in his head. Now he just had to say it.

 But how? How could he crush this sweet boy’s hope? Because somehow, this is what Harry wanted. He wanted Louis to be his. But no, they couldn’t belong to each other. Harry couldn’t give Louis his loving, gentle heart, because Louis couldn’t be trusted to take care of it. He couldn’t love Harry the way he deserved.

“Harry.” He said, slowly exhaling. “I can’t. I couldn’t possibly- Harry, it’s simply not realistic. You have to understand that.’

Harry’s face fell instantly, the cute, hopeful smile sliding off his face.  He dropped Louis’ hand and withdrew his own, curling his fingers in. He had gone completely pale, his lips whitening.

“Yeah- yeah, I get it.” He said shakily.

“Who’d want to be with a guy like me anyways?”

“No, Harry, that’s not it at all!” Louis cried, reaching a hand out to touch his arm. He couldn’t bear it if that’s what Harry thought. Because Louis liked Harry so much it hurt too. He just wasn’t free to tell him. But Harry had stood up, jumping out of his reach. He agitatedly ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath.

“I’ll- be back in a second.” He mumbled out, striding away as quickly as he could. Louis chewed on the inside of his cheek so hard it started to bleed. His eyes suddenly welled up and he fiercely scrubbed at them with the back of his hand. He grabbed his now stone cold tea and drank it in one gulp, trying not to scream. Why was Fate such a bastard? Why couldn’t he have feelings for someone he was allowed to have feelings for?

Harry was gone so long, Louis started to get worried about him. He knew that seeing Harry right now was probably a really bad idea, but his inner medical instincts took over and told him he needed to find him. He spotted the toilets and pushed the door open, walking through. He saw a long pair of legs edging out from underneath the stall and recognized them immediately as Harry’s.

“Hazza?” he asked cautiously. “Are you alright?”

The sounds of someone being violently sick greeted him. He heard Harry groan and then he threw up again. Louis’ heart dropped. Had he caused this?

“Go away.” He pleaded miserably from inside the stall “Please. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

But Louis didn’t go away. He crawled underneath the stall door and eased Harry through his sudden illness. He held his hair out of his eyes, he rubbed his shaking back, and he murmured words of comfort in his ear. Eventually the vomit stopped and Harry was just dry-heaving. He collapsed against the side of the stall, crying. He put his head on his knees and wrapped his arms around himself.

“I hate myself. I’m pathetic and disgusting. How the hell did I ever think you’d love me?” he gasped hysterically.

Louis said nothing. He sat down beside Harry and put his arm around him, pulling him into his shoulder. Louis ran a hand through his sweaty hair and Harry froze, his eyes exhausted.

“Don’t torture me, Lou.’ He murmured. “Please don’t torture me.’

“Let’s get you home.”Louis replied, putting his arms under Harry’s shoulders and lifting him up. Harry went unresistingly, shoulders slouching and head bowed. He staggered forward on unsteady legs, leaning heavily on Louis for balance. They moved forward slowly, Louis guiding Harry out of the restroom. He motioned to the other baker standing behind the counter and gestured at Harry’s limp form. The other guy nodded and Louis moved forward with Harry. He nudged the door open with his foot and then sauntered through, holding it open for him. Louis hailed a taxi and then practically lifted Harry into the back seat. He jogged around to the passenger seat and got in.

“Where to?” the cab driver asked.

Louis glanced back at Harry. He was practically asleep already, but he managed to raise his head and tell the driver his address. After that, he dropped into sleep.

“Is he okay?” the driver next to Louis asked.

“Yeah- just a rough day.” Louis replied uncomfortably.

“Well, no wonder. He’s a cancer patient, obviously. Every day must be a struggle.”

“Hey, mate. Don’t be daft.” Louis said defensively.  “He’s a normal person.”

“Oh-kay.’ He said. They stayed silent for the rest of the drive.

 

They reached Harry’s apartment and Louis helped him out of the taxi, waking him up as gently as possible. Louis paid the driver and he sped away. They walked to the flat door together and Harry fumbled around for the key underneath the door mat. Louis kneeled down and helped him, taking the key from his tired fingers and unlocking the door. They entered and Harry immediately laid down on the couch. Louis walked around, looking at the flat.

If possible, it was even smaller than his and Liam’s. It was tiny and simply crammed with stuff. The red couch Harry was on filled up most of the space in the living room. Off to the left was the kitchen and in the corner was what Louis assumed was the bathroom. One thing Louis saw all over was books. Books covered almost every square inch of the apartment. There were shelves filled to the very top with novels, books stacked on the TV, some were even balanced on the top of lamp shades.

“You’re an avid reader, then?” Louis said stiffly, not quite sure what to say. He looked down at Harry and saw that he was still awake. He stared up at him through heavy-lidded eyes.

“Do you know why you started being sick today?” Louis asked. “Have you felt faint?”

“Lou, you know why I vomited.” Harry said tiredly.

“It was from pure nerves. I wanted to puke all day long because I was so nervous and then-“

His voice trailed off but Louis knew what exactly what he was going to say. And then you rejected me. So Louis had caused Harry to be sick. He said nothing, feeling guilt wrack his entire mind. The least he could do would be to look after Harry now. He grabbed a blanket from a chair, tucking it around Harry’s thin shoulders.

“I don’t want you to take care of me.” Harry mumbled in protest, trying to fend Louis off.

“It doesn’t matter what you want.” Louis said sharply. “I’m taking care of you, because you’re sick and you need someone to be there.”

“Why?” Harry said, irritated. “Why won’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because _I_ care about you, Harry!” he cried, throwing his hands up in the air. He whirled around and went into the kitchen, busying himself by setting the water onto boil. But even the clatter of the kitchen couldn’t mask the sound of Harry’s whisper,

“You don’t care enough.”

 

Louis walked back into the living room and handed Harry his mug of tea and two Aspirin, sitting down on the chair across from him. Harry sat up and knocked back the pills, swallowing with a gulp of tea. He then set the mug back down and curled back up, snuggling into the blanket.

“Is there anything else you need?” Louis asked. “A book? I could put a film on. I doubt it, but are you hungry?”

Harry whitened at the thought of food and shook his head. He glanced at Louis and then said,

“There is something that would be nice, but I’m embarrassed to ask.’

“Anything, Harry.’ Louis said without a second thought.

“Whenever I was sick when I was younger, my mum would sing to me. I know it’s corny and everything, but somehow it always made me feel better.”

“You want me-to sing to you?” Louis said doubtfully.

“Okay, but you’re asking for trouble with that. My voice isn’t the best.”

“I’d beg to differ.” Harry said softly. “I’ve heard you played Danny Zuko in your high school play.”

“Yeah- but that was years ago. And how on Earth do you know that?” he asked curiously, his interest piqued.

“While you were gone, I might have talked to a certain other intern friend of yours.” Harry replied, not meeting Louis’ eyes. 

“I’ve wanted to know everything about you, you see.”

Louis blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. He cleared his throat awkwardly and then asked,

“Well, what song should I sing?”

‘Doesn’t matter.” Harry said, resting his head back on a pillow and letting himself relax into the comfort of the couch.

Louis picked the first song that came to mind. Look After You by the Fray. He’d made a cover of this song when he was sixteen, and you could never go wrong with the Fray. In retrospect, the lyrics probably weren’t the best for the moment, but all Harry wanted was something to sooth his mind.

“ _If I don’t say this now, I will surely break. As I’m leaving, the one I wanna take. Forget the urgency, but hurry up and wait. My heart has started to separate. Oh whoa, oh whoa, be my baby. And I’ll look after you.”_

Okay, definitely not the best song choice, but Harry was reacting well. His sad expression had cleared and he at least seemed more peaceful. Louis settled back down into his chair and sang the next verse.

“ _There now steady love. So few come and don’t go. Will you, won’t you, be the one I always know? When I’m losing my control, the city spins around you’re the only one who knows. You slow it down. If ever there was a doubt, my love, she leans into me. This most assuredly counts, I said most assuredly.”_

Harry’s eyes slid shut and he was asleep almost instantaneously. Louis stood up and covered him more fully with the blanket. He moved the mug of tea from where it was balancing precariously on the armrest. Looking down at Harry’s restful form, Louis almost whispered the final verse of the song.

“ _It’s always have and never hold. You’ve began to feel like home. Oh whoa, oh whoa, be my baby. And I’ll look after you. What’s mine is yours to leave or take. What’s mine is yours to make your own.”_

Louis silently walked to the door of the lat and showed himself out. But as he left, he heard Harry muttered, “And you say you don’t have a good voice, you arse.”

Louis walked home alone in the dark, trying not to think about anything that had transpired. He tugged his jacket tighter around his shoulders, freezing cold. Filled with a sudden rage, he kicked the edge of the foot path and then winced as pain flooded his foot. He screamed aloud, earning him a few stares from people driving beside him, but he ignored them. He whipped his mobile phone out his pocket and dialed Liam. After a few rings, he answered.

“Meet me in the pub.’ Louis said automatically, nothing even bothering to say hello. “I need a drink.”


	7. Chapter 7

“What do you mean, you said no?” Liam asked incredulously, staring at Louis as if he’d suddenly grown two heads.   
“You worship the ground the bloke treads on and when you find out he feels the same, you say no?”  
Louis buried his head in his hands. Now to top it all off, Liam didn’t agree with what he’d done. Liam, the one person he’d thought would actually agree with his course of action, was disappointed with him. Splendid. He grabbed his beer and took a huge swig of it, the alcohol burning his throat. He felt Liam’s worried stare and looked up. He needed to explain.  
“Liam, I couldn’t. It’s insanity. He’s a fucking patient!” he groaned.  
Liam shrugged doubtfully, taking a sip of his Coke. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and then said,  
“I think there’s another reason. And I know you well enough to know what that reason is.”   
“Do tell.” Louis muttered, resting his head on his elbow.   
“I think you’re afraid. You’re not romantic to begin with, so feelings like these scare the shit out of you at the best of times. But Harry is also a flight risk because he’s ill. And you’re desperately afraid to get close to him because if you did, you’d offer yourself up completely. You’d give yourself over to Harry. If he died, you wouldn’t know what to do.” Liam said gently.   
Fuck Liam and his logic. He knew Louis better than Louis knew himself sometimes. Because deep, deep down, Louis knew that was a real reason. He knew he was already more attached to Harry than he should be, and it was just getting stronger every time they were together. It would kill him if Harry were to be put at any risk. His cancer wasn’t bad at the moment, but the disease was so unpredictable. Louis couldn’t afford to fall in love with Harry.  
“But Lou,” Liam said earnestly, “I think he’s special to you. I’ve known you for years now and no one has ever made your face light up the way he does. And that’s beautiful to see. What you two could have together should not be something you miss out on because you’re terrified. Sometimes you’ve just got to take a leap of faith.”  
Louis shut his eyes as Harry’s words washed back over him. Lou, I’m taking a huge leap of faith here. And I guess what I’m asking is for you to catch me? Liam had almost made him feel better until he’d said that. Because Louis hadn’t caught Harry. He’d let him crash to the ground.   
“Yeah, well.” He muttered, “It’s too late for that now, Li.”   
Liam bought him another drink.

 

The next few times Louis saw Harry at the hospital, he acted completely civil. He didn’t look hurt by Louis’ rejection; he didn’t even bring it up. It was as if the whole incident had never happened. But any openness or honesty they had once had with each other was gone. It seemed like Harry had forgotten about their friendship totally. He’d nonchalantly mention a conversation they’d once had or a joke they’d shared and Harry would just give a small smile and say nothing. It hurt Louis more than he cared to admit.  
It seemed like the year wouldn’t slow down. Christmas was days away and Louis found himself frantically trying to get ready. His birthday was also on Christmas Eve but Louis never cared about that. He always tried to make people celebrate the holiday instead of his birthday. He wasn’t even having a party this year. He didn’t feel like celebrating getting any older. Besides, he couldn’t go home to Doncaster this year anyway. Because of his unplanned visit home, his few vacation days were used up. He was in London for Christmas.   
Plus, he was working Christmas Eve. Dr. Lee really hated him. He spent the hours before his night shift running about the streets of London getting last-minute presents. He found a shop tucked away in Piccadilly Circus that had a little bit of everything. He got his sisters Lottie and Fizzy the new Ed Sheeran album and the twins matching outfits. For his mum, he bought a new perfume and for Liam, he bought him Batman merchandise. Liam, being the do-gooder he is, had a bit of an obsession with the billionaire who fought crime.   
As for Liam, he was volunteering to dress up as Santa in the Children’s Wing tonight, so he’d give him the presents then. Yep, that’s Liam Payne in a nutshell. Instead of going home to see his family at Christmas, he stayed in the city to keep Louis company and kept sick children’s spirits up.   
Right as he was lining up, he saw a rack of beanies in the side of the shop. One in particular caught his eye immediately. It was a hat that had cupcakes all over it. It made him think of Harry instantly. At the last second, he grabbed it and added to the pile of items. He’d find some chance to give it to Harry. He always said he needed more hats.   
Louis went on his rounds that night. The hospital was mostly deserted, so he was basically just checking up on things. He peeked into the Children’s Wing and saw Liam wearing a red suit and curly white beard, waiting for the children to arrive. He snickered to himself at the image.   
“Alright mate?” Louis called with a grin as he walked toward him.   
“This suit smells like old cheese and it’s about a million degrees in here.” He said matter-of-factly, straightening the beard so it covered his face better.   
“But I think seeing the kid’s smiles will be worth it.”   
“Head’s up Jesus, I think there’s another perfect human being come to steal your thunder this Christmas.” Louis joked as he left the room/

Awhile later, he’d finished his rounds. On an afterthought, he wondered if he should check Harry’s room. There was no way he’d be there, but Louis wanted to check anyway. Maybe he just wanted to feel close to Harry again, even if he wasn’t in the room. So he walked to the chemo centre and entered room 108. And his heart nearly jumped out of his chest when he saw the patient himself curled up on the bed, sleeping soundly. Louis wanted to turn tail and run. He couldn’t see him, not now and not here. But then he realized that Harry mustn’t be feeling well if he was here tonight. So he mustered his courage and rapped on the doorframe loudly with his knuckles.  
Harry’s eyes slowly fluttered open and he reached above his head, stretching his shoulders. Yawning widely, he glanced up and then tensed as he saw Louis awkwardly standing there.  
“Hello.” Louis said cautiously. “What are you doing here tonight?”  
“I could ask you the same thing.” He replied shortly, sitting up. “I wasn’t feeling very well, just a winter flu. I accidently let slip of this to my mum and she basically said I wasn’t allowed to come to Cheshire until I’d seen a doctor. “  
Louis said nothing, stepping forward and gingerly putting his hand on Harry’s forehead. He did feel warm. Reaching down to his neck, Louis felt Harry’s pulse. It was fluttering erratically underneath his fingertips.   
“Your heartbeat’s a little too fast for my liking.” He said.   
“That’s not because I’m ill.” Harry muttered to himself. Louis pretended not to hear him. He withdrew a thermometer and gave it to Harry, instructing him to take his temperature. While they waited for that, he gave him some Paracytemol. The thermometer beeped and Louis took it out of Harry’s mouth, reading the number flashing there.  
“38.4 C. It’s not life-threatening, but I want you to take it easy over the holiday, alright? Can’t have you running yourself down.”   
Harry nodded. They lapsed into awkward silence and Louis prayed for some form of deliverance. It came in the form of Liam Payne wearing a Santa suit. He trudged through the halls and looked in the doorway, alarm flashing over his face as he saw Harry and Louis together.   
“Hi mates!” he said, with forced cheerfulness. “I’m just on my way out.”  
“See you at home, Li.” Louis said.  
“Yeah, great. We’ll celebrate your birthday then.”Liam said, walking away as fast as his legs could carry him.

Harry looked up at Louis from his seat on the bed, his green eyes sad.  
“Tonight’s your birthday?’ he asked quietly.  
“Erm-yeah. Christmas Eve baby.”   
“And you’re here, working. On Christmas and your birthday. That’s not fair.”  
“It’s not so bad.”  
“Yes it is.” He said insistently, standing up. “Come on, Lou.”  
He walked out of the room and Louis scurried after him, eyes wrinkled together.  
“Where are you going?”  
“We are going to have fun on your birthday. We might be in the hospital, but we’ll find some way to enjoy ourselves.”  
Louis scurried after Harry, wondering where he was going with this. Harry strode forward, spotting a wheel chair in the corner of the hall. He brightened and grabbed it by the handles. He wheeled it toward Louis, patting the seat.  
“Hop on.” he said. Louis looked at him dubiously, walking forward hesitantly.  
“What do you plan on doing?” he asked.  
“Get on.” Harry said impatiently, grabbing Louis’ wrist and tugging him down to sit on the wheel chair.   
“I’m going to push you around the halls. Just hold tight.”  
Louis settled down and gripped the armrests of the wheelchair. Harry grabbed the handles again and started to run. Louis glanced back at Harry to make sure he was okay and then looked forward as they rolled.  
They flew through the halls, Harry pushing Louis as fast as he could. They went hurtling down a ramp and Louis laughed wildly, feeling exhilarated. He distantly heard Harry chuckle as he pushed. Air whooshed past Louis’ body and his fringe was lifted right off his head.   
“Having fun?” Harry panted out. Louis turned around and saw him. Harry’s cheeks were bright red and a sheen of perspiration coated his forehead. Whatever enjoyment Louis had gotten out of this went out the window as worry for his patient cascaded over him.   
“Harry. Harry, stop.” Louis said. “Don’t overdo it!”   
Louis had startled him. Harry’s head jerked up and he lost his grip on the handles of the wheelchair. Louis went careening away, unable to stop the momentum. He dragged his heels on the floor to try and stop himself, but it was no use. He was going to slam into the incoming wall, so he dove straight out of the chair. Louis landed on the floor with a thump and watched from there as the wheelchair slammed into a cart. He rested his head back on the floor and laughed. This was ridiculous. He saw Harry fall to his knees beside him.   
“Are you okay?” he asked frantically, scanning Louis up and down. He grabbed Louis’ hips and turned him over, searching for injuries.  
“Are you hurt?”  
Louis sat up, shaking his head. He was all too aware of Harry’s hands still on his waist. Harry looked deeply worried, face all scrunched up and eyebrows wrinkled together. He refused to stop looking Louis over, making sure he was alright.  
“You’re sure you’re not injured? God, that was so stupid of me, I could’ve killed you!”He berated himself, hanging his head.   
“No, Harry, it was awesome! Great way to commemorate a birthday.” He said.   
Harry looked up again, biting his lip in worry. He fiddled with the hem of his sweater, avoiding eye contact. Louis slowly stood up and offered Harry a hand, hauling him to his feet. He retrieved the wheelchair and started to push it. As he walked, Harry quickly fell behind, weary on tired legs.  
“Are you alright?” he asked. Harry shook his head slowly, trailing after Louis. Louis stopped in his tracks and practically shoved Harry down into the chair.  
“I’ll push you now.”   
But Harry had dug his heels down onto the tiles of the floor, making it impossible for Louis to push. He turned himself around in a circle so he was looking up at the doctor.   
“Can you just tell me why?” he asked quietly.  
Dread seized Louis. So this was it. They were finally talking about that day in the bakery. Harry wanted an explanation as to why Louis had turned him away. Should he just tell him the truth? But if Harry knew Louis actually had feelings for him, would he take no as an answer? Louis doubted it.   
“Just- tell me what I can improve, so if feelings like this for anyone ever occur again, I’ll know how what to fix about myself.”   
Louis blinked at his words. So Harry was already moving on. He wanted to know how he could improve for someone else. And as he realized this, jealously clenched Louis in its iron grip. Because if “anyone” was meant to be with Harry, it sure as hell should be Louis. He looked down at his patient, narrowing his eyes.   
“Okay.” He said tensely. “First off, get rid of the curls. They’re too endearing. Second, stop with the cute dimpled smiles because they basically rip out people’s hearts and make them fall for you. Third, stop being such a goddamn good person. Because Harry, all of these things combined make you completely irresistible.”  
Harry stared up at him, eyes widening. Louis tried to stop himself, but the words kept pouring out. He couldn’t stop it.  
“Because the way you are now, it’s completely impossible to stay away. People find it agonizing to be away from you. People can’t sleep at night because you’re all they think about. People want to be with you, Harry.” He said intensely, throwing his hands up in the air.   
“But they can’t be, because they’re terrified of getting close. People get conflicted; people say the wrong stuff and people screw things up sometimes-“  
Harry grabbed Louis by the wrists and tugged him down onto his lap. He squeaked as he felt the ground disappear out from under his feet. Louis landed with a slight gasp, head reeling as he realized where he was; literally sitting on Harry’s knee. He looked up at Harry who was gazing down at him, an unreadable expression on his face. His green eyes were achingly tender, flicking up and down every inch of Louis’ face, as if he was trying to memorize his every feature. Harry leaned forward until his nose brushed against Louis’, his breath tickling his skin.   
“Does this mean what I hope it means?” he asked. Louis said nothing, trying to get his heart to slow down. It was beating so quickly he swore he could practically feel the blood pulsing through his veins.   
“Lou, I’m in agony here. Tell me it means what I hope it means.”   
But Louis had never been the best with words. He was better at showing people the point he wanted to get across. So, he threw caution to the fucking wind and leant up, capturing Harry’s lips with his own.   
Harry stiffened in shock at first. His entire frame tensed up and his eyes flew open. But then he angled his head, deepening the kiss. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck, pulling himself up so they were as close as physically possible. They were chest to chest; Louis practically being cradled against Harry. His lips were soft, warm and plump, matching Louis’ thinner ones exactly. Harry let his hands rest on Louis’ waist, keeping him balanced.  
The kiss was everything Louis had ever dreamed it would be and more. He wanted to scream, laugh, cry, dance like the idiot he was. He wanted to tuck himself in Harry’s arms and never leave. Eventually, Louis broke off the kiss and Harry leaned forward as if to continue it. Louis rested his chin on Harry’s shoulder, trembling from the shock.   
“Oh Lou.” Harry whispered, gently running a hand through his hair. “I knew you felt it too. I knew it from the first time we saw each other.”   
Louis said nothing, burying his head into Harry’s shoulder, rubbing his face against the soft material of his sweater. Harry put a hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles in the knots on his shoulders. Louis moved back, trying to get up off Harry but he clung to him, keeping him on his lap. Louis looked down at the boy beneath him. He looked anxious, biting his lip in worry. That familiar furrow between his eyebrows was there.   
“But, Louis.” He asked nervously. “What about the day in the bakery? I thought you said you didn’t return how I felt.”  
“Harry,” Louis said slowly, wanting to make sure he phrased this correctly, “My feelings were so strong, they scared me. If I’m honest, when I first saw you, I wanted to rip the clothes off you and have my wicked way with you then and there.”   
Harry reddened, a blush creeping up his cheeks. He looked up and Louis saw a few tears in his eyes. He smiled sheepishly but made no attempt to hide them.   
“I’m sorry for crying- I’m just so- so glad.”   
Louis took Harry’s face in his hands and gently brushed the tears away with the tips of his fingers.   
“You’re too beautiful to be crying.” He whispered, leaning his forehead against Harry’s. Harry beamed, opening his arms again. Louis slipped into them easily, tucking his knees up so he was smaller on Harry’s lap. Harry started pressing soft kisses to Louis’ jaw and neck, making him giggle.  
“I’m sort of ticklish.” He explained, laughing again. Harry grinned mischievously, finding Louis’ pulse point and focusing on that. Louis gripped the collar of Harry’s shirt, nuzzling in close. The next few minutes passed with sweet caresses like this, until Louis looked up and saw the time. It was half past nine and Harry was still in London. So Louis pulled back and put a hand on Harry’s chest, holding him back.   
“You should go to Cheshire now, Harry.” He said.   
Harry pulled a face, looking up at Louis with those big doe eyes. He took Louis’ hands in his own, kissing his knuckles.  
“I don’t want to go, not with what just happened.” He mumbled against his skin.   
“Go see your family.” Louis said with a soft smile. “I’m sure they’re dying to see you. I’ll still be here when you get back.”  
Harry nodded resignedly and Louis slipped off him, straightening his rumpled doctor’s jacket. Harry smiled gently.   
“Happy birthday, Louis.”  
“Merry Christmas, Harry.” 

Louis walked out of the hospital in a daze. The cold December air nipped his skin but he could barely feel it. He was warm all over, a blush still staining his entire body. It was all because of Harry. HarryHarryHarry coursed through his mind constantly. He felt a bubble of excitement explode in his chest and he whooped, throwing his head back to the sky. He broke off in a sprint, running home. Liam needed to know, literally right this second.  
Louis stumbled into the apartment, skidding on the welcome mat. He nearly crashed to the ground, but somehow managed to regain his balance by grabbing a coat stand   
“Liam!” he bellowed giddily, “Liam, hurry up!”  
The man himself came out of the kitchen, a party hat askew on his head. He was holding a batter-spattered whisk in one hand, and some cake mix had even wound up on his face. For the first time, Louis noticed the balloons all around the room and his heart almost melted as he saw how hard Liam had worked for his birthday.   
“What’s wrong/” Liam asked nervously. “Are you okay?”  
“I am floating on cloud nine. I’m going to explode, I’m so happy. I’m shaking and I’m laughing and God, Li- isn’t the world a beautiful place to be?”   
“What on Earth has gotten into you, Louis?” Liam asked in amazement.   
“I’ll give you one guess.” Louis said.   
Liam thought about it for a single second, before his mouth flew open and he dropped his cooking utensil to the ground. He bounded forward and gripped Louis by the shirt, almost hoisting him off the ground.   
“Are we thinking the same thing right now?” he asked wonderingly.   
“Well, if you’re thinking that I, Louis Tomlinson kissed a certain Harry Styles, then yes, we are.”   
Liam picked Louis up in his arms as if he weighed nothing and swung him around. Louis looked up and saw tears crawling down Liam’s face. Jesus, if there were any more tears of joy tonight, Louis would drown in them.   
Suddenly, the fire alarm went off and both Louis and Liam started. Liam’s eyes widened in shock and he whirled around, rushing back into the kitchen.  
“Shit, your cake!” he cried, pulling the oven open and grabbed the tray out with his bare hands. Then he started cursing all over again as it burned him and the tray was dropped to the ground, hitting the floor with a clatter. Louis burst out laughing and went in to help him. He dug some ice out of the freezer and gave it to Liam, who held it to his already blistering fingers.   
“That’s better.” He said, sighing with relief. Louis sat down beside him, glancing at the still sizzling, burnt to a crisp cake.   
“I’m sorry, Louis.” Liam said dejectedly, bowing his head. “I really wanted your birthday to be good.”  
Louis couldn’t stand to see him so disappointed. He grabbed two forks from the dishwasher and held one out to Liam. Turning, he stuck it in the cake and took a bite. He said nothing about the peculiar charcoal taste and swallowed, giving a bright smile.  
“It’s delicious, Li Li.” He said brightly.   
“And you’re an awful liar.” Liam said with a faint smile. “But thank you for trying.’   
“Yeah- it actually tastes like utter shit.” He admitted, laughing again. Nothing and no one could bring Louis down that night. They spent the remainder of the evening watching television together and making fun of the bad reality shows. About halfway through an episode of Survivor, Louis’ phone buzzed.   
To Louis (10:12)  
I’m not even in Cheshire yet and I miss you, Boobear  
To Harry (10:15)  
I should never have told Liam that particular name. So are we onto cute pet names already, Hazza?  
To Louis (10:17)  
Hazza? I like that. You’re just as bad as me :)   
To Harry (10:18)  
Hazza it is then.   
Hazza and Boobear. Louis tried to fight back a smile, but he failed miserably. Liam saw his grin and smirked.   
“I could get used to this blushing, giggly side of you.” He teased.   
“Sod off.” Louis said sheepishly. But he looked down at the screen of his phone again and smiled softly. Funny what one single person could do to you.

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this awhile ago, and only thought to post it now XD Tell me what you think?


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